“Even so, I’m sorry.”
“Because he hit me or because you told him?”
“Because he hit you. Because of everything I’ve done. I’ve fucked everything up so badly.”
“Not with me you haven’t.”
I can’t help but look at his face, searching, hoping he really means it.
“I’m glad he hit me, Tru, if it means he finally knows. I’m sorry he’s hurt, but I’m not sorry he knows about us.”
“Is there an us?” I hold my breath.
“You tell me?”
I exhale. “Why didn’t you sleep with Juliette?”
“I never intended to. I left because I wanted out of that party. I couldn’t stand to see you with Will, and I took her with me because I wanted you to know I’d left with her … I wanted you to think I had slept with her – to hurt you – not very mature I know, but…” He shrugs. “So well, I got Dave to drop her off at her place first, then he brought me back here, and I spent the night with a bottle of Jack, and Tom came later on.” He stares straight into my eyes. “Do you really think I could have had sex with her, when I’d just had sex with you?”
“You kissed her.”
“I was acting like a dumb ass. Like I said, I wanted to hurt you, because you’d hurt me.” He brushes his thumb over the scar on his chin. “I don’t do rejection well. But I’d never go that far. And you kissed Will, remember?”
I knot my fingers together in my lap, nodding gently.
“It did hurt me,” I whisper, “Seeing you with her, knowing you’d left there with her. The pain I felt was unbearable. So I got drunk to try and kill it, and spent the rest of the night throwing up, before passing out.”
That’s my subtle way of telling him I didn’t have sex with Will. I know it was weighing on his mind, he didn’t have to say.
I see his face relax, and he lifts his eyebrow. “You’re such a light weight.”
“I am.”
“I love you,” he says.
I love you, just as simple as that.
I stare at him, wide eyed. It’s like time has frozen all around me.
Jake gets up, his eyes never leaving mine, and walks over to me. He kneels on the floor at my feet and takes hold of my hands.
“I love you,” he repeats. “I’ve only ever loved one girl, Tru – and that’s you. It’s always been you. I loved you from the moment I knew how to love.”
My eyes fill with tears again, them quickly spilling over, down my cheeks.
Jake takes my face in his hands, caressing my tears away with his thumbs. “You’re it for me. I want to be with you forever. I want you to be mine.”
I stare deep into his eyes. “I’ve always been yours, and I always will be. I love you too … so much.”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jake look as happy as he does in this moment.
He leans over and gently kisses my lips. I press harder against them, wanting more from him.
He hisses, and I quickly pull back. “Shit, sorry, baby,” I murmur, smoothing my finger over his cut, swollen lip.
“You’re worth the pain.”
“You hit him,” I say, regretfully. “A lot.”
“No one hurts my girl, because you are, Tru … my girl.”
“I know … and you’re my guy.” I trace my finger across his cheek.
“Forever.” His eyes close under my touch.
“Forever.”
“Are you really sure he didn’t hurt you?” He opens his eyes after a moment, and runs his hand gently over my shoulder.
“I’m fine, really. It didn’t hurt.”
“Come on,” he says, getting to his feet, pulling me to my own. He leads me through to the bedroom, pulling the duvet back; he climbs into bed, making space for me.
I’m hesitant.
I’ve only just broken up with Will. Somehow it doesn’t seem right climbing into bed with Jake.
“Please,” he says softly, seeing my hesitation. “I just want to hold you.”
I climb into bed beside him and he wraps his arms around me, holding me to him and pulls the duvet over us.
He kisses my hair. “I love you so much,” he murmurs. “This is it now. Just you and me.
I tilt my head back, kissing a place on his neck. “Just you and me,” I echo.
I nestle my head into his neck, breathing him in, feeling suddenly exhausted, as I try to work through the conflicting emotions still raging through me.
When I wake I’m Jake’s arms, the sky coming in through the window looks dusky. We’ve slept the whole day away.
I’m supposed to be going home. Jake too. Our flights out of Paris are tonight.
Suddenly the thought of leaving him crushes my chest.
Then I think of Will, and pure sadness engulfs me. Tears instantly prick my eyes.
I wonder if he got an early flight? I hope he got home okay.
Will. Lovely sweet Will. What have I done to him?
I hope he’s okay. I didn’t want it to end the way it did. Maybe I should call him? Try to explain?
No, what good would that do, and anyway, he hates me.
He’s right to.
I cheated on him. I broke his trust and his heart. I’ve scarred him; he won’t trust another woman for a long time to come because of me. And he’s so gentle and caring; he didn’t deserve any of what I’ve done to him
But I love Jake. I know it’s a poor excuse but I couldn’t help myself.
The way I feel about him is indescribable. It’s overwhelming. Sometimes so much so that I feel like I’m gasping for air with the intensity of the feelings I have for him
But then, is this the right way for Jake and I to start our life together, off the back of a broken relationship?
I don’t think it is. But I suppose, mine and Jake’s relationship started a long time ago. It spans our lifetime.
I hurt for Will and how I treated him, I always will, but Jake is where I want to be.
He’s my home.
Jake stirs in his sleep, his eyes opening slowly. And when he looks at me, all I see in them is complete love for me.
“Hey.” His voice is all sleepy and sexy.
“Hi,” I say quietly.
I look at the bruising on his lip; the swelling has gone down a little. A reminder of what happened only this morning.
I trace my fingertip over it. Jake takes hold of my hand kissing my fingertips. Then puts his hand on my face, tucking my hair behind my ear.
“I love waking up with you. I want to wake up every morning looking at your face,” he murmurs.
Shivers run over my skin.
“Me too. But we have to go home tonight.” My lips turn down at the corners.
“Do we?”
“I’ve got work to do at the magazine,” I sigh. “And you’ve got PR to do for the US leg of the tour.”
“I don’t care about any of that. It can wait. Stay with me here in Paris for a few more days. I’m not ready to be away from you, not when I’ve only just got you.”
I stare at his face. “I guess I could call, Vicky…”
“So you’ll stay?”
“Yes.”
He smiles, a beautiful smile that reaches all the way to his eyes. Then he moves his face closer to mine and kisses me gently on the lips, tracing his fingers over my skin, moving them into my hair. It feels gentle, tender.
“How’s your lip?” I murmur.
“It doesn’t hurt anymore.” He rolls me onto my back, keeping me in his arms, his kiss deepens and I know what he wants.
This is it.
This is the first time Jake and I will be together properly. The first time we’ll make love as an official couple.
The thought makes me feel heady. No more guilt, no more sneaking around. Just him and me
I wind my fingers into his hair, letting his tongue roam mine, kissing, nipping, licking.
I lift, allowing Jake to pull my vest off. His mouth goes straight to my nipple.
My hips lift with the feeling and he puts his hand there, touching me through the fabric of my pyjama bottom and panties.
“Oh God, Jake,” I groan.
I put my hand between cotton and skin, taking him in my hand. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to his size. It surprises me even now.
I start to work my hand up and down.
Jake hisses between his teeth, then sucks harder on my nipple.
“God, Tru you drive me crazy. I just want to be inside you all the time.”
“Sounds good to me,” I breathe, pushing myself into his hand.
He yanks my pyjama bottoms and panties down in one, and I kick them off my legs.
“What no panty ripping today?” I tease. “What is it with you and panties anyway? What’s your beef with them?”
He lifts his head, grinning at me. “It’s a love/hate relationship, baby. I love how they look on you. Hate that they’re blocking my access.”
I giggle.
“Do you like it when I do it?” He trails his finger down my stomach.
“I love it,” I murmur, kissing his lips.
“I never ripped anyone’s panties off before, you know,” he says, under my still moving mouth.
I stop kissing him. “You haven’t?” I just figured this was a Jake thing.
He shakes his head.
“So why do you tear mine off?”
He stares down at me with his beautiful blue eyes. “Because that’s how crazy you make me feel. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you, Tru. I just can’t wait to be inside you.”
His words are so intense, so fixed with meaning that the muscles in my tummy clench, leaving me feeling doubly delicious.
It amazes me how easily his words can unravel me.
“I love that it’s our thing … so do you want me to put them back on so you can rip them off?” I bite down on my lip.
“Fuck no! I’m not covering you back up now, and anyway, I’ve got my whole life to spend ripping your panties off.”
His whole life. I love the sound of that.
He slides his finger inside me.
My hips buck, grinding myself into his hand, and all thoughts of ripped underwear slip from my mind, and I start to work his still growing erection quickly in my hand.
He moans and kissing my shoulder, he bites gently on my skin.
“I want to make love to you,” he groans, rubbing his thumb over my hot spot.
“Ahh,” I moan. “Yes, and now, because if you keep doing that then I’m going to come any second.”
Jake pushes his boxer shorts off, then lays between my legs, framing me.
“Are you on birth control?”
“Yes, why?”
“Because I don’t want to use a condom. I want our first proper time together as a couple to be special. I want to feel you, Tru.”
“But…” I trail off. I know I shouldn’t think it, but all those women he’s had sex with.
And as if reading my thoughts he says, “I’ve never had sex without a condom before in my life.”
“Never?”
“Never,” he reaffirms. “STD’s and unwanted pregnancies are not something I ever aspired to have, Tru. And I get regular check-ups, my last was a week before we met back up, and I haven’t had sex with anyone since then but you.”