Again, she was tempted to run, but she’d been doing that since she’d met him, and where had that gotten her? Miserable and lonely. “Forget prepared speeches. I came here to say this in a roundabout way, but I’ll just say it straight out. I love you.”
“You have a funny way of showing it.”
Still no warmth in his voice. She wasn’t giving up, though. Not yet. “I know, and for that, I’m sorry. If I could do everything over, do it differently, I would.”
“I can’t keep doing this with you, Skylar.”
Skylar. She was Skye to him, not Skylar. Or she had been from their first night together. She knew what he was doing with the Skylar nonsense. He was building walls to keep Skye out. Walls were her specialty, and she wouldn’t let him get away with that. “You can tell me to leave, Tristan, or you can tell me to go to hell, but I’m Skye to you. I have been her to you since we sat next to each other at a bar with a ridiculous name.”
He finally looked at her, and the pain in his eyes was almost enough to make her leave for his sake. She’d put that pain there, not once but often. Maybe leaving was the best thing she could do for him.
“You left without a word.” There was accusation in his voice, but when was he referring to? She’d left him without a word more than once.
“When?” she whispered while knowing she wouldn’t like his answer.
He sighed, and there was a lot of hurt in that sigh. “I can’t do this with you. You should go.”
No! She wasn’t leaving until she bared her heart to him. If he still wanted her to go after that, she would, even knowing she’d never love another man after him. There was a part of her that was getting mad, though. There was a little voice saying, Oh, poor him. What about what you went through? Is he even trying to understand that?
She shushed that voice. She might listen to it later if he dug in his pig-headed heels, but she’d give him a chance to listen to her.
“You pushed me away for a year,” he said. “Then when I think you’re finally seeing what we have, something that was fucking amazing, at the first sign of some ridiculous gossip, you were like a ghost I could never catch.”
“I almost got you killed.” If there was anything she wished she could unsee, that was it. “I looked at you bleeding there on the floor, and I ran out to call for Parker. Then when I told him you’d been shot...” She shook her head. “You didn’t see the pain in his eyes, and it was because of me. Everly, your brothers, they almost lost you because of me, and all I could think was that I didn’t deserve you.”
“You didn’t deserve me? What kind of bullshit is that?”
“I know,” she whispered. She had to touch him, to be near him. She moved away from the railing and kneeled in front of him but kept her hands to herself. That was such a hard thing to do. “I should have believed in us.”
“But you didn’t.”
“No, and that’s my greatest regret.” She glanced to the side, trying to gather her thoughts, to say the right thing. What was the right thing, really? The truth was all she had to give him. “When Danny started those rumors about me...” She turned her gaze back to him. “No one trusted me anymore. Even after Dustin’s investigation cleared me, the rumors persisted. I thought once I was cleared things would go back to normal, and I could do the job I loved. I was so naïve. The whispers behind my back that I was meant to overhear, the side-eyes and snickers didn’t stop.”
“I’m not Danny, Skye. How many times do I have to say that?”
“No, you aren’t, and I knew that. Maybe not at first. I didn’t trust my judgment, so I did push you away as soon as I realized who you were. I’d made a promise to myself that I’d never let another man use me like that, especially a cop. And you were not only a cop, but the chief. You had the power to ruin me.”
It seemed his eyes were softening. She hoped that was true, but she needed to finish. “I managed to keep you at arm’s length, but then after the fire, you were there for me in a way Danny never had been. I finally accepted what I’d known all along. You weren’t him. You’d never hurt me that way.”
“So, what changed? Because you let me in, then you kicked me out again.”
“I panicked. After Mason spewed his lies, it was Florida all over again. Only this time, I was dragging you down with me. Before I could figure out that was the nonsense it was, you were kidnapped. I stood in that cabin after, saw you bleeding, and I just couldn’t stay where you might have died because of me, so I left.”
“If I had, it would have been because of Grant, not you.”
“If it hadn’t been for me, Grant would have never come here.”
“Pretty sure Grant was here because of Pretty Boy’s lies.”
She needed to touch him. If he slapped her hands away, she’d leave. She put her hands on his legs and stilled, waiting to see what he would do. He did nothing. Maybe it was a small win that he didn’t push her away.
“I love you, Tristan. So much it hurts my heart. What happens next is up to you. If you want me to leave...from here or from Marsville, I will. But I’m praying that you’ll give us another chance.”
“And the next time something spooks you? I can’t keep doing this. One day I have you in my life, and the next you run. I just can’t.”
“It will never happen again. I know you don’t trust me right now, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am for that, but I understand. Just tell me what I need to do. Do you want me to beg?”
“I’d never ask that of you, Skye.” He leaned forward and put his hands over hers. “I don’t need you to beg, and I’m not ready for your promise, because you’re right. I don’t trust you.”