“What are we going to do?” I ask, clinging to him with all the desperation I feel. I’ve never told anyone the things I’ve told him, my deepest darkest secrets. Now those secrets are pushing us apart, that they’ll continue to grow between us until there’s no way back to each other. My mother was right. There’s no way to make it work. I can’t have sex, and no matter how understanding he is now, one day he’ll meet someone who can give him everything, with nothing held back.
“We’ll get through it,” King says. “I promise. We have our whole lives to try.”
I nod, another tear slipping from my lashes. I want to ask how he can promise that, how he can know. How we can get through it. But it’s my burden to bear.
*
A few days later, we’re cuddling in bed when King tells me they still haven’t found Little Al DeLuca, his partner who almost had him killed. I swell with pride that he’s trusting me, that he’s letting me into the business side of his life, too.
“You’ll find him,” I promise King, throwing a leg over him and cuddling closer. “And you’ll make sure he never gets a chance to leave me a widow. I know you’ll do it. You have everything it takes to fight and win.”
“And what’s that?” he asks, adjusting his arm to pillow my head before smiling down at me.
“You’re a good man, and you have loyalty to your family and a reason to make it home at night.”
“I think I’m starting to get it,” he says, squeezing me against him. “I thought love was the enemy, but it’s just what you make of it.”
“Sure, love is dangerous,” I agree, turning my head to kiss his shoulder. “But isn’t that what makes it worth it?”
“It must be,” King says. “Because I’d risk anything for you, Eliza. Whatever I have to do to keep you, to make you happy, to be your man, that’s what I’m doing to do. And it’s so fucking worth it.”
“I know you miss her, but maybe that’s what your sister wanted, too,” I say. “To die for love. Maybe that was worth it for her.”
“I wish I could have saved her,” he says quietly, pressing his lips to my forehead.
“I know,” I say. “But maybe she didn’t need you to. Maybe she didn’t want that. You can’t be a hero to everyone.”
He snorts. “I’m no hero.”
“Maybe not,” I admit. “But maybe a hero doesn’t have to swoop in wearing a cape and save everyone. Maybe you can be a hero just by showing up, by being there for someone when anyone else would have walked away.”
“Eliza, I’m never leaving you,” he says, turning my face to his. “You’re my wife.”
“People leave their wives all the time.”
“I’m not one of those people,” he says. “When I make a promise, I mean it. Remember?”
I nod. “Then you’re already a hero in my eyes.”
“Hey,” he says, kissing me lightly on the forehead again. “Anyone would have to be crazy to walk away from this.”
“And that’s why you’re a hero,” I say, twisting to press my lips against his palm. “You save me a little bit each day just by staying.”
“Then get ready to be rescued, my little mafia princess,” he says, pressing his lips to mine. “Because you’re never getting rid of me.”
“Good,” I say. “Somehow I don’t think I could find someone else to love me even when I’m unlovable.”
“You’re not unlovable,” he says, pulling back to gaze into my eyes. “You are worthy of love, Eliza Dolce.”
Hearing him say my name makes my heart melt every time. I fought so hard to keep my old life, but maybe I’m done being Eliza Pomponio, party girl fodder for the gossip columns. I’m ready to be someone else, someone better. Mrs. King Dolce. I’m all in with my whole self, and I can’t think of anything better than letting him take me over, possess and own me, dominate me, tame my wild ways and make me his.
“I know,” I whisper. “I must be, or you wouldn’t love me. You don’t love just anyone.”
“I’ve never loved anyone,” he corrects. “You’re the only one, Eliza. There was only ever you.”
I look away, my throat tight. “I just don’t know what I did to earn it.”
“You don’t have to do anything to earn it,” he says. “You’re worthy just by existing.”