I smile and shrug. “They’re no better than me or anyone else.”
“Can I quote that on the blog?”
“What? No,” I say, drawing away. “Why would you even put that on the blog? Everyone saw it firsthand.”
“People love to relive the excitement,” she says. “The lunch drama blogs are my most popular.”
“Fine,” I say. “Here’s a quote. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.”
“Okay, well, that was like the first time in the history of this school that the kings have done something like that,” she said. “The Dolces rule with an iron fist and fear and intimidation. They’ve never even, like, nodded in deference to someone, let alone got on their knees. I can’t believe that just happened. That was so badass.”
“Maybe it’s time they didn’t have absolute power here.”
“Yeah, but this school has been run by the elite since it was founded—or at least since the next generation, when the Midnight Swans were founded. The Darlings weren’t nearly as crazy and scary as the Dolces, and even they would never have done something like that. Not even Devlin when he was in love with Crystal. Does Duke…Likeyou?”
“What?” I ask, then shake my head. “Of course not. It had nothing to do with feelings.”
“Then what do you have on him?”
I just smile. “Enough.”
Dixie heaves a worshipful sigh, like I’m suddenly her hero. “Wow.”
We reach my locker, and I expect her to walk away, but she lingers. The hallways is crowded and ten times louder than usual, everyone buzzing with the charge of excitement from the lunchtime show. Dixie’s right. They’re already reliving every moment, talking over each other, as pumped as if they just left a football game.
When I close my locker, Dixie is still there.
“What’s up?” I ask. “Need more for the blog?”
“No,” she says. “It’s just… Don’t get me wrong, that was the best thing I’ve ever seen at this school, even before the blog. But I thought you weren’t with them anymore. Last year, you would have walked away after making him kiss your feet, shown them you don’t buy into their hierarchy.”
“I’m not the same girl I was last year.”
I can’t explain it to her, but it’s not that I choked, that I was afraid and backed down from Baron. It’s just that I understand how the school works now. I don’t need to be some solo badass who razes the Dolces and strolls off into the sunset. I can get more done from inside than I ever could from being their enemy. And I need other people to help. I’m not an island. I’m a survivor.
“I guess not,” Dixie says, and I know she’s disappointed, but this isn’t her battle. “I guess I was hoping you’d rally the Darlings after you asked about Magnolia, or at least help Colt. You told me to be ready.”
“Oh, don’t worry,” I say. “I’m just getting started.”
*
Royal is not waiting by my car when I leave school. When I pull up and park outside my house, his Range Rover is nowhere in sight. I close my eyes and tell myself to stop. I should be happy. He’s gone, just like I wanted. He finally respected my wishes and left me alone, and I’ve established myself as someone not to be fucked with at school. I am a queen, worthy of their respect.
But all I feel like is the Queen of All Dumb Bitches, because some stupid, stupid part of my heart falls when he’s not waiting, trying just one more time. I want to tell him what he did for me, and what I did today. I want to celebrate this win with him, this win that he should be taking credit for. I want his car to be outside, want him to tell me I’m worth trying just a little bit harder for.
I fucking hate myself for it, too.
I know I’m worth it.
I shouldn’t need him to say so. I shouldn’t want him to beg and grovel for my love.
I know it’s worth more than he can ever give.
I get out of the car, too disgusted with myself to bear my own company. God, I’m such a petty, pathetic little bitch.
Blue is sitting on her steps, staring off, her hair halfway covering her face. She doesn’t even look at me, but I walk over anyway.
“Oh, hey,” she says, sounding exhausted. She tips her head forward, and her hair swings over her cheek. “Want a cigarette?”