“Cool,” he says, nodding and stuffing his left hand in his pocket the way he does, so his missing finger is hidden. “My dad said you were over there, and then we kinda figured out what happened from there, but I wasn’t sure what happened while you were at my house.”
“So, not to interrupt this little trip down memory lane, but can I bum one of those?” Gloria asks, her voice all prim and formal, like she’s awkwardly asking a stranger for a tampon in the bathroom.
“You smoke?” Colt asks, giving her a skeptical look.
She glares at me.
“Yes, she smokes, but it’s a big secret, so don’t tell anyone,” I say.
Colt just shakes his head and pulls out his cigarettes again, passing the pack to her.
“So, like, do you think it’ll ever come back?” she asks. “Your memory?”
He shrugs. “Probably not.”
“I mean, I wouldn’t mind forgetting a few things from my past,” she says. “But I’d want to choose what months I forgot.”
“Wouldn’t that be handy?” he drawls.
“You forgot you broke up with Dixie, so you got back together,” she says. “Isn’t that a good thing? Or did she not tell you that? Oops.”
He makes a silent little snort of breath. “She told me.”
“You’re back with Dixie?” I ask. “What else did I miss?”
“Let’s see,” Gloria says, worrying her lip between her fingers and squinting up at the sun leaking through the gaps in the bleachers. “Last year there was spring break, and then of course you disappearing. That was the talk of the school for at least a week, until everyone found out Royal had dumped you. I already knew, of course. He told us on the ski trip. But everyone figured it made sense that you disappeared after he dumped you, so most people forgot about it. Then we had prom, which I won, of course. A bunch of people took that new Alice drug after prom, and some people went to the hospital, but no one died so it wasn’t that big a deal. And there were finals and graduation, so that was pretty boring.”
“If you want more details, I’m sure Dixie’s blog has a full account,” Colt adds, tossing his cigarette butt and opening the pack again. He takes out a joint and grins at Gloria. “You smoke this, too, Queen Bee?”
“Oh my god, no,” she shrieks, stepping back like it might get her high before it’s even lit. “I’m going in. If you get caught smoking that, you could lose your scholarship, Harper.”
She gives me a meaningful look, and I know it’s not my scholarship she’s worried about.
Colt chuckles at her scandalized expression and lights up.
“I’m not too worried about my scholarship anymore,” I say with a grin.
“Well, good for you,” Gloria snaps. “I’m going in. Rylan will be pissed if I don’t show up for lunch, anyway.”
“Then you better run and make your man a sandwich,” Colt says. “Gloria Walton, bringing feminism back to 1950.”
“Shut up, troll,” she says. “Or I’ll tell Dixie what you said about her after you dumped her ass on Bye Week last year.”
He takes a slow drag on the joint, his eyes hooded as he stares her down before answering. “Go right ahead,” he says. “I have no memory of that night, but whatever I said can’t be worse than what I did to her freshman year, and she’s still dick whipped, so…”
Gloria rolls her eyes. “Colt Darling, bringing chauvinism back to, what was it? 1950?” She smiles sweetly up at him, bats her lashes, and then turns and flounces away.
I’ve been ignoring their little squabble while marvel over my own words—that I’m not worried about my scholarship this year. Even though I don’t have money of my own, I’m basically a kept woman, and I’m starting to see what it would be like if I wasn’t desperate every day of my life. It feels good to have security, to know I’ll be okay even if I screw up sometimes. It’s about so much more than having nice clothes and fitting in.
It’s about feeling safe.
Money is safety, security, and basic necessities all rolled into one. I don’t worry that I won’t have a hot shower anymore. If Mom’s boyfriends get handsy, I can take my car and get the hell out. Missing lunch, even after skipping breakfast, doesn’t mean I won’t eat for twenty-four hours.
I don’t even have to fight at Slaughterpen to make sure I’m fed. I have someone who steps in when I need it. I have someone who will defend my scholarship. For the first time in my life, someone has my back. Maybe he can’t protect me or take down the Dolces, and he’s not a hero, but he’s my fucking hero.
“Now that she’s gone,” Colt says, his gaze still fixed on Gloria’s retreating figure. “Did we really fuck?”
I laugh and shove his shoulder. “No, asshole. We just kissed, thank god.”