Our eyes meet, and I swallow so hard I nearly choke on my own tongue.
What is wrong with me? Why is my heart hammering, and not with fear?
God, I’m a fucking mess.
“Hey.”
I tear my gaze away from Royal to find a safe boy standing a few steps away.
“Hey, Gideon,” I say, trying to shake off the weirdness of seeing Royal here. He lives in my town. We run in the same crowd. Lots of the parties last year had a mix of high school kids and graduates, those who go to the local colleges, and those who get jobs right out of school. Which means I’m bound to run into him now and again, even if he’s not doing it intentionally anymore. One day, maybe he’ll be just some guy I pass in the grocery store and pretend not to know.
The idea aches in the pit of my stomach, cold and deep.
“You look… Really cool,” Gideon says, glancing at my leather jacket.
“Thanks,” I say, holding out my cup. “Congrats on the win.”
He bumps his cup against mine before leaning on the wall beside me. I can feel Royal’s eyes boring into us, but I don’t look in his direction again.
“Are you having fun?” Gideon asks.
“Sure,” I say, stepping away from the wall so I can turn my back on Royal, since he’s being a total creeper and openly staring. “You?”
“It’s my first time hosting, and my parents aren’t really cool with this sort of thing, so I’m a little afraid of what the cleanup is going to be like,” Gideon says. “But I hired a crew to come in tomorrow, so hopefully we can pull it off without them finding out.”
“Ah, so this is a big night for you,” I say. “A rite of passage.”
“Yeah,” he says, nodding. “Kind of.”
I take a drink and fight the urge to turn around, to make sure Royal is still far away, where I need him to be.
“What about you?” Gideon asks. “You’re a senior. You must have hosted some of these. Tell me the aftermath isn’t like in the movies.”
My mind flashes to the shell of the Darling house we left last year, the house that belonged to his aunt and cousins. Then his words sink in. This guy was a freshman last year, and he sat at the adjoining table, so he was on the periphery of the group. He saw me on Royal’s arm, and I’m sure we went to the same parties. But he must not know who I am—not really. At least, he doesn’t know I’m poor. I wear the same thing as all the rich kids this year. I carry a fancy bag and drive a nice car. He thinks I’m some rich bitch.
I try to picture even a quarter of these people crammed into my smoky, derelict old house, and I have to fight back laughter.
“It’s usually not too bad,” I say, deciding I don’t really need him to know I live on Mill Street or that these aren’t my clothes.
“So, listen,” Gideon says, shifting uncomfortably against the wall. “Homecoming’s in a couple weeks, and I was wondering if…”
“Gideon,” I say, holding up a hand. “I… No. I can’t. But thank you. Really. You’re, like, the best guy I’ve ever met, and you’re insanely brave, like, you have no idea how brave you are to even ask me. But I can’t.”
“Why not?”
It’s not Gideon who asks. I flinch, squeezing my eyes closed. When I open them, Gideon is staring over my head. I don’t have to turn to know Royal is standing there. But I do, because I’m scared for my new friend. Royal doesn’t look pissed, like he might put the sophomore through the wall, though. He towers over me, a slightly confrontational glint in his eye, but he doesn’t make a move toward Gideon.
“How long have you been standing there?” I ask.
“Long enough.”
Gideon’s gaze moves back to me and then to Royal and then back to me. “I’m sorry,” he stammers. “I—Gloria said you broke up. I had no idea.”
“We did,” I say firmly. “We’re not together.”
“That’s right,” Royal says, sipping from his drink. I know it’s his first one, that over the next few hours, he’ll nurse one or two more, nowhere near enough to affect a guy his size. Royal doesn’t get drunk. He doesn’t lose control. I hate that I still know him so well, that I know him at all.
“Look, I think you’re great,” I say to Gideon. “And I know a lot of other girls do, too. I hope this won’t screw up our lunch thing, but if you don’t want to be part of it, I totally understand.”