I think of the school without the Dolce boys. The darkness, danger, and excitement they bring. How empty it would be without them, as if we had no purpose. I think of how much Royal would hate me if he knew I was the one who leaked his secret. I think of how much it will hurt to see his empty seat beside me in science, to turn from my locker each day knowing that I won’t see him looming in the hall, stormy and scary and so fucking sexy it hurts down in the center of my being.
I think about missing him, the hole he’ll leave in my life. He dumped me, though. He’ll be gone either way. I won’t be a Dolce girl. I’ll be no one. The emptiness is already creeping in like the damp chill that creeps along the floors in winter and haunts the house like a ghost this time of year.
I imagine living the rest of my life knowing I’ll never feel this way again, the bond that stretches between us until it aches… Looking into his eyes and knowing I’ve found my kindred dark soul.
But his dark soul was twisted into something else, something sick and deadly. My kind may be a bruise on this town, but his is its cancer.
A cold emptiness tightens inside my chest until it aches. He’s already gone. He was never really mine to begin with, but I let myself believe. I let myself fall, and now I’m paying. The hurt is only starting. But I know this is what has to be done. He’d do the same to me.
No, he has done the same to me. Exposed my deepest shame for the world to see. Used it against me, hurt me with it, and for the sake of nothing more than showing me he could. At least I’m trying to help someone, maybe a lot of girls in the future who won’t be subject to toxic, dangerous boys like that. Sweet Magnolia, wherever she is. Innocent little Lindsey.
And Colt.
My fingers are shaking as I start typing. I pause after every sentence. I change my mind and erase a few times, only to start over. My heart is pounding erratically, and tears drop onto the keyboard, but I keep going, pushing on. I know I’m ripping out my own heart, that I’m severing a tie that goes down to my very soul. I’ll never come back from this. There can be no forgiveness for a betrayal this deep.
But I know it’s the right thing to do for everyone else. That I’m destroying the boy I love, and my own heart, for the greater good of this town and everyone in it.
Duke’s words echo in my head.
It’s not about what’s right. All’s fair.
This, though… This is not fair. It’s way beyond fighting dirty. It’s hitting somewhere personal, somewhere shameful. It’s destroying someone, the way those boys do.
When I finish at last, I erase every word. Then I stare at the blank screen. The sugar in my stomach churns sickeningly.
Isn’t destroying the Dolces exactly what I set out to do? To take them down, so they couldn’t destroy any more girls the way they did Mabel, the way they tried to do to me? Is this worse than releasing a video of me sucking an old guy’s dick?
I’ve rolled over and taken it for this long, just like Royal said. I wasn’t desperate, but I was distracted from the goal. Just like my mother, I gave up what I wanted for a man. I chased after dick until I didn’t just want it, I loved it. I loved him. Just like all the men my mother falls for.
But none of that matters. We’re done.
I’m done. I did it all for a reason, and this is the reason. I said I would do whatever it took to get his secret, and I did. Like he said, I spread my legs and let him fuck me, let him humiliate me and debase me. And sure, I enjoyed most of it. It wasn’t just for his pleasure. We did those things together. For both of us. I didn’t suffer every moment or even most moments. But that doesn’t change the facts. I might have let a few orgasms blow my mind, but they won’t make me lose my head.
It’s time to do what I set out to do all along. Bring down the Dolces.
I start typing again, my fingers flying this time.
This is the moment of truth. If I don’t do this, if I hesitate now and don’t pull the trigger, I’m just a pushover who took all his shit and ate it with a smile on her face while he ate caviar. It’s one thing to eat shit because you know that at the end, you’ll survive, and that you poured arsenic on his caviar. It’s another to waver, to pull out and abort mission. Despite what he thinks of me, I’m not pathetic or desperate. I never wanted to a Dolce girl just for a bit of his attention. I did it to get something back, not to become his obedient little dog who came when he called or a doormat for him to wipe his feet on. I’m no one’s love fool, no one’s cum dumpster, and no one’s plaything.
I am a player in the game, equal to Royal Dolce, and I always have been.
This is the real test.
I pause, reading my words, my finger hovering over the send button. Am I strong enough to do this?
Yes.
I am.
Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes and hit send.
My hands are shaking. My breath is coming quick. When I look down, my hands are wet. I touch my face, and my cheeks are wet, too.
Before Mr. D can reply, I type out one last message.
BadApple: That is more than enough 2 take down the Dolces & repay my debt. I am done. I am blocking u. U will never hear from me again. Thank u 4 the scholarship. If it’s gone in April, fuck u. but I’ll live. I don’t need ur charity if this is the price.
BadApple: 1 last thing. Ur a sick bastard n u need help. I honestly hope u get it. U helped me when I needed it. Maybe someone can help u.