twenty
Harper Apple
I don’t want to be Mr. D’s spy anymore, but I don’t want to go back to Faulkner, either. I can’t trust Mr. D not to do something shady if I do that. Despite what he says, I’m not sure he’d let me go that easily. He’s invested a lot into me already.
After his refusal to let me walk away after the failed Swans initiation, I’m not sure what to do. I could tell someone, but I’m not sure who I’d tell at this point. Ironically, the one person who could help is probably Royal, and I can’t tell him without getting myself killed. After all, I got plenty out of the arrangement with Mr. D. I’m not sure he’s the bad guy here. Maybe I am.
If I told my mom, she’d just laugh.
I told you not to go to that fancy school. What did you expect? Nothing in life is free.
None of my friends can know, and even if they did, and they wanted to help, they couldn’t. Even if I went to Baron Dolce and had him use his hacking skills to find out who Mr. D is, it wouldn’t help. No matter who he is, I’m indebted to him until I walk out of that school. The only way out is to give up all of it and go back to Faulkner and lose any chance of getting a scholarship out of this town. That’s the one thing in this world I’m not willing to do.
And it’s not like I could go to the cops, even if I were the kind of person who would do that. I haven’t done anything illegal for Mr. D, and he’s not doing anything illegal. Even if he’s made lewd comments, I’m an adult. When he started messaging, when I was seventeen, I was above the age of consent in this state, so it’s not like he’s creeping on a little girl. Every time I think about what I’ve told him, what I’ve done for him, I feel sick. I started doing this shit to get what I want, but now I want out, and I’m stuck.
I can’t get out without self-destructing. I’m trapped. Helpless. Everything I hate worst in the world.
So, I keep doing my homework and getting good grades, and I walk into the fancy school every day like I belong. I keep seeing Royal, and I keep my friends, and I keep my secret. And it eats away at me every single day, weighs on my every step, until I’m not sure what I’m doing it all for. So, I do what anyone trapped in a bad situation does.
I lie.
If Mr. D won’t let me go, and I don’t want to rat out my friends anymore, what other option is left? When it’s time for March tuition to be paid, I tell Mr. D I fucked the twins and am now a Swan. What’s he going to do about it? No one but me and them know it’s not true.
The last day of school before spring break rolls around at last. Royal meets me at my locker and gives me that arrogant nod that still makes me want to smack him half the time. “Let’s go.”
“Yes, your majesty,” I say, rolling my eyes. But I close my locker and follow because he doesn’t have practice anymore, and I won’t see him for two weeks. I’m not missing our last afternoon at the river before the separation.
The twins and the Waltons walk out with us, but only I will climb in the Range Rover with Royal. Then, he’s all mine.
When we get to the front of the lot, we wave to the Waltons, who head to their cars. I try not to let my jealousy rage, knowing they’ll be at the ski lodge with Royal, probably trying to cozy up by the fire after hitting the slopes. I trust Gloria, and Everleigh’s a little too giggly to be Royal’s type. I wouldn’t put anything past Eleanor, though. She’s never forgiven me for ruining her shot.
“See you tonight,” Baron says, climbing into the passenger seat of Duke’s Hummer. Duke hops up in, and we climb into the Rover.
Royal turns the key, and a deafening boom rocks the car. The hood flies up so hard it hits the windshield. Glass shatters, spraying us in the face. Flames shoot from under the hood. I hear Royal cursing through the ringing in my ears from the explosion.
He lunges across me, throwing my door open.
“Get out of the fucking car,” he’s barks, shoving me so hard I go flying.
I roll once before slamming my head into the running board of Duke’s vehicle. Before I can recover, Duke grabs me under the arms and hauls me up, throwing me over his shoulder and darting behind the Hummer. Royal’s standing there cursing and wiping blood off his face.
People are running our way, gathering around, the small crowd taking pictures and talking on their phones.
“Where’s Baron?” I ask, trying to get my head together.
Royal nods toward the front of the car, and I twist around on Duke’s shoulder to see Baron standing in front of the Range Rover, videoing on his phone.
“You can put me down now,” I say to Duke, who deposits me back onto my feet, pushing me into Royal.
Royal spins me around and grabs me by the shoulders, looking over my face and neck. He picks a few pieces of glass from my skin and brushes off my shoulders. “You hurt?”
I shake my head, looking him over the same way. “You?”
“Fine,” he says, his jaw tight.
I reach for a piece of glass embedded in his chin, but he jerks away and stalks over to the Hummer, climbing into the driver’s seat and slamming the door. He pops the hood, then jumps out and pushes Gloria and Baron back when they try to open the hood. I want to yell at him to stop, that he’s going to get himself blown up, but he’s too quick. He lifts the hood, and my throat catches. For one second, I can’t breathe.
When nothing happens, my heart turns to rippling liquid in my chest. As if he can tell I’m about to lose my shit, Duke wraps his arms around me from behind and presses his chin down on the top of my head, anchoring me like he did at the river that day. I’m too relieved to pull away and play it cool, too grateful for his strong arms holding me up so I don’t have to do it on my own for once.