“Are you telling me to text him?” I ask, swallowing hard at the thought of putting myself out there, again, after he’s ignored me all week. It feels so fucking desperate. But desperate times call for desperate measures and all that shit. I need to solidify my position in their crowd. No one said it would be easy, or that I could do it without sacrifice. If making myself vulnerable is the only way to make it happen, then I’ll do it. After all, I’m trying to get him to do the same. It’s fair, even if I don’t like it.
“All I’m saying is, I’ve never seen Royal Dolce lose his head over a girl,” Gloria says. “I didn’t think it was possible. So right now, I’m thinking two things. First, that if you’re cool enough and strong enough, like I think you are, you’ll let him know if you feel the same. And if you don’t, well, I’m thinking that right now, you’re the one who’s dangerous, not him. And my instincts are usually right.”
My heart squeezes in my chest, and I have to lean a hand on the edge of the sink. Not that I believe for a second that he’s not dangerous or that he won’t destroy me. I’m holding back, scared to let him in fully, to give him my heart and make it easy for him. But he’s holding back, too. And when I find out those secrets that might make me walk away, I’m going to destroy him every bit as much as he’s planning the same for me. We’re both dancing too close to the edge, both pushing the other as far as we can push. One of us is going to have to break or give in and fall.
And fuck if I’m breaking first.
But I can send him a text. I can do that much. If he doesn’t answer, then that’s that. I’ll have to find another way to get his secrets.
Gloria’s words echo in my head, though. He’s a real boy. A boy with feelings. One who can be hurt. She’s a good person, a good friend.
I’m not a good person. But a good person’s not going to be able to take down the Dolces. Only a monster can fight that kind of monster and hope to win.
The bell chimes, signaling that we’re late for class. I need to give her something. She deserves an answer.
“I’m not walking away,” I say. “Whatever happens, it’s worth it to me. Every single moment. Even if his secrets destroy us both.”
She nods, swallowing hard. “I thought you’d say that. But I hope you’ll think about it. Make sure you really like him before you tell him anything. I don’t think you can change your mind once you do.”
“Wait, didn’t you drag me in here to convince me to text him?”
“I dragged you in here to tell you to be straight with him,” she says, her voice softening. “Don’t fuck with his head. If you cut your losses now, he’ll be pissed, but he might be okay. If you hurt him… Harper, he’s already so broken, I don’t think he’ll survive even the tiniest fracture. One more hurt, and he’ll shatter into a million pieces, and we’ll never be able to piece him back together.”
“I think he’s stronger than you give him credit for,” I say. “If this kills one of us, it’ll be me.”
“I’m not worried about you,” she says, snapping her purse and looping it over her shoulder. “It takes more than a boy to break girls like us.”
*
Who She Is
The outsider
Who forced her way inside
She came, she saw, she connived
Slithered into my bed
Looking for dirt
That’s how she works—
A Darling girl.
This town was hers
She could have owned it
But she doesn’t know it
She doesn’t want what’s ours
Only to destroy
That’s how she thinks—
A Darling girl.