ThatsLo: yeah gg
BadApple: r u still fucking?
I curse myself as soon as I send that text, squeezing my eyes closed and wishing I could unsend it. What the fuck am I thinking? I sound like a jealous bitch girlfriend, which he’s made abundantly clear I am not, nor will I ever be. And of course Gloria doesn’t answer. She’s with Royal, who apparently had to stop by her house after fucking me on the side of the road, probably to remind himself what girls with class and golden pussy are like.
Fuck fuck fuck.
I am a complete psycho for even caring. I hate that I do. I hate that I’m jealous as fuck, and all I want to do is drive to Gloria’s and beat her face in for letting him come over with his dick still wet. And from what she said, she’ll just do whatever the fuck he wants because it’s better than fighting him. So if he goes over there and wants to fuck, she’ll bend right over.
Is that what I have to do to get his secrets? To be worthy of them? Just stop fighting and be a pathetic bitch?
But that’s not fair. Gloria isn’t pathetic. Somehow, she manages to be classy as fuck while still letting them all fuck her. I don’t know how she does that.
And the better question, how does she keep from loving him? From getting attached, expecting more, wanting more?
I jump up and pace my room, relishing the pain in each step. I fucking hate myself right now. I hate Royal, too, and Gloria, and the twins, and everyone in the whole fucking world. When my room is too small to contain my turmoil, I pull on some sweats and head to the basement to punch the bag in the corner until my knuckles are raw and throbbing. Even then, my head is still fucked six ways from Sunday.
*
The Queen
No one had ever seen her,
There were rumors she didn’t exist,
When a stranger picked up the crown,
And placed it on her own head.
The kingdom’s subjects exhaled,
Pacified by the idea
That the addition of a queen
Made their king somehow human.
So the royals allowed her
Not because they believed her worthy
But because she had cajones,
And they had no one better.