After a few minutes, he stumbles forward, knocking me into the wall as if he forgot it was there. He lifts a hand and fumbles across my face like a blind man trying to recognize someone he’s just met, like he did in the basement.
“It’s Harper, you asshole,” I say, slapping his hand away. I shove his chest, and this time, he steps back. My body cries out with unfulfilled frustration, like it does every time, but this time, there’s sharp pain along with it. I’ve never taken one that big before, and being dry on top of that…
“I know who you are,” he snaps. He turns and strides into the bathroom, flicking on the light before slamming the door behind him.
I pull up my jeans, my whole body suddenly shaking again. When the fabric hits my skin, I suck in a breath. Between my legs is more than tender, it’s fucking mangled and swollen, and every move I make sends a knife of pain into me. I cherish the pain, hold onto it. It’s only physical, and I can deal with that. I can’t deal with whatever fucked up shit is going on in my head. Not now, when he’s right here. I’ll think about that later.
I open the door to his room, knowing it’s impossible to walk back downstairs to call an Uber like nothing happened, but also knowing that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
Before I take a step out, the bathroom door opens, and Royal stands there like a giant, taking up the whole doorframe and blocking the light that spills out behind him. The look in his eyes makes me shrink away from him even before he speaks. They’re not empty now. They’re worse.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“Away from you,” I snap. This horrible feeling wells up inside me, and suddenly, I’m sure I’m going to cry if I have to look at him another moment. I dart out the door, slamming it behind me, taking a little joy in the thought that if he tried to follow, I probably just smacked him in the face with it. I don’t get two steps before he wrenches it open and grabs my arm.
“Harper.”
“Let me go,” I warn, yanking at my arm.
Of course he doesn’t fucking listen. He spins me around and grabs me by my shoulders like he’s about to shake the shit out of me. Instead, he takes a breath, glances at the end of the hall behind me, and lowers his voice. “Harper,” he says, his brow furrowing, his dark eyes searching mine. “Were you… A virgin?”
I snort and yank away. “I thought I was a whore who was so desperate for dick I’d get it from your dad if you wouldn’t give it up.”
He glances behind me again, at the lights lining the walls all the way down to the stairs, where I need to go before I fucking lose it. I need to get out. Now.
Royal swallows. “There was… Blood.”
“I told you I wasn’t fucking ready,” I snap. “Don’t you know anything about a woman’s body?” To my horror, my lip begins to tremble. I bite down on it fiercely, hoping I draw blood. He’ll see my blood before I’ll let him see my tears.
Royal’s gaze doesn’t miss the movement. He stares at my teeth biting down on my lip.
“I—I’m sorry,” he says. “Let me make it up to you.”
“Why?” I demand. “All you’ve ever wanted to do was hurt me, so why should this be different? It’s just one more way you’ve succeeded in getting what you want, like you always do.”
“I’ve hurt you?” he asks. He looks so fucking confused, it breaks my heart. How can anyone be so completely clueless?
I sigh. “Of course not. I’m not a person, Royal. I’m just a piece of trash, remember? Trash doesn’t have feelings.”
I turn to go, but Royal steps past me, blocking my way. I try to duck past, but he rests a hand on the wall beside me, caging me in. “I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
“I know you have feelings,” he says slowly. “I just didn’t know I could hurt them.”
“You didn’t hurt my feelings,” I say, because it’s more than that. He hurt something far deeper than feelings. “Just forget it, okay? Let’s just forget this happened.”
“I don’t know if I can do that.”
We stare at each other a moment. My heart beats hard, so hard I can hear it.
“Why not?” I ask, searching his eyes, aching to find something that’s just not there. It never will be. Just like on Halloween, he couldn’t give me a reason to stay. He never will. I don’t know if he’s even capable of giving me what I need, let alone what I want.
A slow smirk tugs at his lips, and I know I’ll never find what I’m looking for in this haunted boy, no matter how much his darkness calls to mine. “I can’t let a girl walk away thinking I don’t know my way around a woman’s body.”
“Fine, I won’t tell anyone,” I say, ducking under his arm. “I wasn’t going to, anyway.”
Again, Royal grabs my arm. I stop, and for a second, he doesn’t pull me back. Slowly, his hand moves down my arm, his fingers lacing through mine. I can’t look at him, so I keep my face forward. I close my eyes and take a shaky breath, trying to get it through to my heart that it doesn’t mean anything. “Please,” he says quietly.