“Oh, no,” she says. “Like I said, I’m a lady. I don’t do that stuff. But, you know. It took me a while to get there. If you really want something bad enough, you’ll put up with just about anything, won’t you? And if you’re strong enough, you’ll outlast everyone else, and you’ll find yourself at the top.”
“If that’s what it takes to get to the top, I’m happy on the bottom.”
She shrugs. “I’ll believe that when I see it.”
I narrow my eyes, staring at her. I’ve underestimated her every step of the way, but she’s smarter and tougher than I gave her credit for. “Why are you being nice to me?” I ask at last.
Everybody wants something.
“Don’t be so suspicious,” she says. “I’m a nice person. Plus, women should stick together, don’t you think?”
“Is that why you filled my locker with trash?”
“No,” she says, looking away. “But maybe that’s why I’m being nice. I’m sorry I did that. I got caught up in trying to impress someone who doesn’t deserve it.”
“Now you’re telling me you don’t care about being a Dolce girl?” I ask. “I don’t believe it.”
“Oh, no,” she says. “I care about that. I have a reputation to uphold, and having a Dolce boy on my arm at prom will be a crowning achievement—more so than the crown. But when I graduate, we won’t keep in touch.”
“So… What?” I ask. “It’s all for show?”
“It’s a balancing act,” she says. “Good thing I have cheer to help me with my balance.”
I give her a halfhearted smile. “Sure.”
“I care about being a Dolce girl,” she says. “I just don’t care about the Dolce boys. Not in the way you think I do. I mean, I feel for them. I hear their mom left them without a word. Everleigh heard that they don’t even talk to her anymore. I thought that’s why they hated women so much, but I don’t know. I think it goes deeper than that.”
“Lots of guys grow up without moms and aren’t psychos,” I say, picturing Zephyr’s dark house that always stank like a bar, the one he didn’t like us to go inside because his dad might be home. Still, he managed to be a regular kind of fucked up.
Gloria shrugs and shifts her weight to one foot. “Today you have to do what’s best for tomorrow,” she says. “Sometimes, you forget tomorrow, and you do what benefits you most today, and you realize it’s a betrayal of the person who matters most.”
I stare at her as she echoes back words I think to myself every fucking day. The words that sum up today better than any I could find. I did it. I got rid of the video. I should be relieved. But I’m not sure it was worth it.
“You matter most,” I say, halfway to myself.
“The person in the mirror always does,” she says, smoothing her silky blonde hair over her shoulder. “That’s why I trashed your locker, though. I’d forgotten that. And yes, I did other stuff, and I probably should apologize. I really was trying to help you out, but without damaging my rep.”
I roll my eyes. “So all those times you told me I looked like a skank, it was for my own good?”
“Well, yeah,” she says, widening her eyes at me like it’s obvious. “I was trying to help you fit in.”
“Bullshit.”
She gives me a little smile. “Do you hate me?”
“We’re cool,” I say, wiping my eyes with the wet wipe in case there’s salt around them. She’s complicated, but I don’t hate her.
“Yes, we are,” she says, snapping her purse and standing up straight. “So, now you’re going to pop that piece of gum in your mouth, tighten up your pony, and walk your ass back into school.”
“You’re right.” I could use a day off—I need one. But we don’t always get what we need. I can’t afford to take that time. If I do, they’ve won. It’ll make them think they’ve broken me. They need to know I don’t break. Ever.
“Of course I am,” Gloria says. “And if you really want to repay me, you can give me the name of that hot guy you were talking to at the race.”
I start to laugh, to tell her she’s not Maverick’s type. But then I remember a different Gloria, the one who threw down with me in the hall because I tossed a roach in her face, the one who races cars and looks like every guy’s wet dream while she does it, and I give her his number. And then I walk into school beside this girl who is everything I didn’t know I needed until this moment. She’s right. I’m too strong to run. Running won’t show them anything except that I’m a coward. Walking back into school is the only way to prove them wrong.
The best revenge is to show them that they don’t get to decide what I am. I decide if I’m my mother or not. I decide if I’m a whore. I decide whether or not I belong at Willow Heights.
And my decision is to stay. I won’t run. I’ll fight.