“Nothing,” I say, and I turn and run upstairs, away. I don’t want to see the look on my brother’s face.
I stand in the hot shower and let it wash the tears away. They don’t hurt as much with the water stinging my eyes. I hardly feel them.
When I get out and crawl into bed, I can hear Royal and Daddy yelling at each other downstairs. I pull the pillow over my head and try to block them out, try to go back to hiding the way I always did, as if that can make things go back to the way they always were. I try to think about tonight, to get back the feeling of triumph and exhilaration that lasted the whole time I was with my friends eating ice cream and hanging out at Dolly’s house, as if I could live suspended in her little pink bubble with her.
But you can’t un-pop a bubble once it breaks.
I wish for Devlin’s incessant football throwing that used to drive me so insane. I’d welcome it tonight, and not just because I know he’s not home, that he’s at some party doing who knows what to whatever girl will do it. I don’t care. Any distraction would be better than listening to my family implode.
*
I wake later, my heart pounding. The house is quiet, and no light filters in through my window. I hear a scuffing sound and sit up, my hands fumbling for the light. Images flash through my mind—that imposing older man I saw on the Darling’s porch, a rusty old pickup full of hooting rednecks, Grampa Dolce laughing about killing a man.
Hands close around my legs, groping me through the blankets before I can hit the light. I stifle a scream.
“Shhh,” he whispers. “It’s me, Crystal.”
“Devlin?” I hiss. “You scared the fuck out of me.”
“I hope not,” he says, sliding onto the bed next to me. His arm slides over my body, and he pushes closer, nuzzling my neck. “Because I’m here to fuck that tight cunt until you scream my name like you did earlier.”
“Devlin,” I say, pushing at his chest. All I can think about is that Royal is in the room next door. “You can’t be here.”
“I know,” Devlin says, inhaling deeply, his nose pressed to the nook of my shoulder. “But I can’t be anywhere else. Don’t you think I’ve tried?”
I reach over him to switch on the lamp and catch the scent of alcohol on his breath. Suddenly I’m furious. He wants to come over here drunk and horny, knowing that I can’t say no to him. He doesn’t care what it’ll do to my family, who it will hurt. But I care.
“What do you mean, you tried?” I demand. “What’d you do, Devlin? Fuck some random Darling Doll at your party, get up and walk out? I guess that’s your M.O. Right? And when it turned out she wasn’t me, you came here looking for the real thing because let me guess, I’m so fucking special?”
“Is that what you did tonight?” he asks, sitting up and glaring at me. “Is that where you’ve been? You sure looked like you were ready to get fucked nice and deep when you were shaking that ass around on the field. So if you’re not getting it from me, who’d you get it from?”
“Fuck you, Devlin,” I say. “That had nothing to do with you.”
“Yeah, then why’d you throw your hat in my face?” he asks. “If you weren’t thinking about me when you were rolling your ass like you were taking a dick, then who were you thinking about? If it had nothing to do with me, then who was it about?”
“No one,” I say, turning away.
Devlin’s fingers wrap around my chin, and he turns my face to his. “Or maybe you just like an audience, like we had in the locker room,” he says. “Is that it, Sugar? Is that why you got so wet when I was fucking you in front of the team? You liked it, didn’t you? You’re a little tease. You get off on thinking about all those guys dying to bust you open and fuck you until they can’t think straight. You think you’re so above it all, but you want them to beg, just like I do.”
“You’re disgusting, Devlin,” I say, shoving his shoulder. “Get out of my room.”
He grabs my hand, pulling it down to his lap and holding it there while he grips my chin with his other hand. His cock is thick and hard inside his jeans, and my pulse flutters when my fingers wrap around it. “I’ll let you in on a little secret, Sugar,” he purrs. “You can fantasize all you want, but no one can fuck you like I do. You can push me away and go fuck that asshole from Faulkner I heard you were talking to after the show, but you’ll never find a man who can wreck that cunt and make you scream like I can.”
“I wasn’t fucking Chase,” I whisper, heat pulsing between my thighs at his words.
“Good,” he says, his hand sliding from my chin and down to my throat, where he grips me gently this time, the pressure so light it feels more like a caress—or a warning. “I wouldn’t want to have to kill someone I respect. But if he put his dick in you, I’d do it. If I have to follow you around putting a bullet in every guy you talk to until I’m the only guy left, I’ll fucking do it, Crystal. You’re mine, and the sooner you admit that, the easier we’ll both have it.”
“You’re fucking crazy,” I say, yanking my hand from where he’s still holding it in his lap. “You can’t just threaten any guy I talk to.”
He grips my throat tighter, his blue eyes piercing into mine. “I told you, I don’t sleep around,” he says. “I’m not fucking anyone else, Crystal. I haven’t even looked at a girl since I first set eyes on you. So forgive me if the thought of some other guy tasting that sweet cunt, fucking it raw like I do, makes me a little crazy. Consider this a warning. If you’re going to play that game, then yeah, there will be casualties.”
“What the fuck, Devlin,” I ask, jerking back and shoving his hand from my throat. “Why are you doing this? Let me off the fucking game board. You’ve already won. You had me, you broke me, my family is in ruins. We agreed this was over. Now you’re telling me you’ll murder any other guy I go out with?”
“Yeah,” he says. “That’s what I’m saying.”
We sit there looking at each other for a minute. My head is swirling with conflicting emotions. It’s true that I wanted him to fuck me in that locker room. Not for the reasons he said, not because it made me hot, but because they would all know he cared, that he wanted me, that he’d claimed me. He might have shattered me into a million pieces to get there, but I rose from the ashes like a phoenix that day. I triumphed.
I triumphed because he laid claim to me in front of everyone, told the world I was his and no one else could touch me, not even his cousins. I thought I ruined it forever when I told him I didn’t want him. I’ve been aching to take it back, for another chance. And now he’s giving me just that. Claiming me to insane extremes.