I swallow hard again, sweat beading on my brow.
“How serious is not serious?” I manage in a stilted tone. “I mean, it couldn’t have been nothing, right?”
Ed takes my hands in his before looking deep into my eyes. I’m shaking with nerves, unsure if I want to hear the answer.
“You have nothing to worry about, Susie. Nanette and I never had a physical relationship, if that’s what you’re asking. The clothes never came off, and it was more along the lines of holding hands and maybe a quick peck on the cheek. Don’t get me wrong, I would have loved to do more, but we just weren’t there and it never happened.”
I nod slowly.
“Thank goodness because I was getting worried. I mean, it would be kind of weird for you to have sex with both a mother and daughter, right?”
I’m totally serious, but Ed laughs lightly.
“I think some people have that as their kinky porn fantasy, but it’s definitely not my kinky porn fantasy. Hell, I don’t know if it’s really anyone’s fantasy because that would be really fucked-up and rancid. But anyways, you have nothing to worry about, Susie. Nothing physical ever happened with your mom.”
I let out a deep breath that I didn’t even know I was holding and squeeze his hands.
“Thank goodness,” I murmur. “I’m so relieved to hear that.” But then I tack on one last question, against my better judgment. “Just curious, but why did you and Nanette break up? To be honest, I can’t even imagine the two of you dating because you’re so honest and straightforward while my mom is … Well, you know how she is.”
Ed nods and shrugs.
“We were just kids then and I think we just grew apart. Even then, we were going in different directions because I wanted to focus on environmental conservation and saving the world, while your mom was interested in settling down and having babies. I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment back then, so we went our separate ways. It wasn’t terrible and there were no bad feelings or anything.”
I nod.
“That makes sense because my mom did get married to my dad and have me when she was really young. So I guess she fulfilled her wish, although she and my dad weren’t married long.”
Ed grins.
“Yeah, but people change and a newborn can run a man into the ground. Or so I’ve heard,” he adds with a laugh.
I fix him with a look.
“But why haven’t you ever settled down?”
He’s silent for a moment, his gaze going far away.
“To be honest, I never really thought about it that much, Susie,” he hedges in a slow voice. “Of course, I never imagined being a bachelor in my forties, living to work instead of working to live. But we don’t always foresee what will happen because here I am, and this is my life.”
I squeeze his hand.
“It’s not too late for you, Ed,” I say in a gentle voice. “You know that guys can have kids even when they’re really old, like into their 70’s. I’m young. I could have a baby with you if you want.”
That makes him jerk and his eyes flare.
“You don’t know what you want, Susie,” he growls, dark streaks forming on those high cheekbones. I merely laugh gently once more.
“I do, Ed, and we’ve had this discussion before. I’m an adult, and old enough to know my own mind. Besides, motherhood has always been something I knew I wanted to experience, and what if it comes a little earlier than expected? It’s not the end of the world. In fact, it could be better than waiting until I’m old and dried up.”
Ed’s silent, merely looking down at the table, but I can see the wheels turning in his head, and I hope I’ve planted a seed that sprouts. After all, I’ve fallen in love with my handsome host, and would adore having his baby growing below my heart. The only question is, does Ed feel the same? Or am I just a three-week fling to be forgotten once the dorms open again?
10
Ed
In just a few more days, winter break will be over and Susie will return to her normal life of classes, dorm food, and sleeping in a tiny cell on campus. It sounds hellish to me, but I suppose that’s how undergraduate life is. Besides, who am I to keep her from it? Every college student deserves to have that experience, even if I’d much rather keep her here with me.
After all, our life together is insanely comfortable, if I do say so myself. I work at EarthMatters during the day while Susie putters about the apartment enjoying herself. Then, when I come upstairs for dinner, she’s got a heavenly meal prepared and it’s wonderful to spend time together before we hit the sack for some steamy shenanigans. I swear, that woman’s drained my balls so many times now that it’s amazing that I’m still able to keep going.