But with Felix, here, this chance….
It’s like I can forget about that. I don’t have to obsess about if he’ll be attracted to me. He’s already said I’m perfect for this shoot…not perfect in general, but for whatever creative force is driving him.
As I place my phone on the counter – knowing I’m not going to, can’t call Lola – I wonder if he picked me for a different reason.
Maybe he doesn’t want a beautiful woman after all.
Maybe he wants the model to match the city shots and wants to combine their effect, doubly depressing.
That would make sense for the sudden change.
Does he really expect me to believe I’m more beautiful than Jeneva?
But then his deep voice is right outside the door. It sounds somehow tenser than usual, a deep growl beneath it like he’s on the verge of an explosion.
Smoothing my hands over my belly, I tell myself it’s an explosion for me.
Not for his work. Not because he’s eager to get started.
He wants me, just me, forever.
“Are you almost ready?” he calls.
I look at my phone again, thinking of my push-up bra and the somewhat stylish panties I’m wearing. I wanted to feel sexy today, or as sexy as it’s possible for me to feel as if I could challenge the model with my fake self-esteem.
“Faye?” he calls, and I’m sure I hear some urgency in his voice, some hunger.
“Y-yes,” I reply, reaching for my dress and getting ready to pull it up and over my head.
What the heck am I doing?
“Just a minute.”