"I'm half Italian."
"So...you don't have a heartbeat either?"
"Yes, no heartbeat," I confirm. I hope she's not getting scared again.
A long pause comes after that.
"If you have no heart, then how can you be so kind?" she asks unexpectedly.
I look into her eyes, but I see no sign of terror in them. She looks at me as if I'm the best person in the world.
"You have no idea how wrong you are," I say after a pause, lowering my gaze so as to not look into those naïve big blue eyes.
"You saved my life, you found me a job, you paid for Marie's bills. You even told Alexa that you were the one who canceled our lesson." As she keeps listing all of my 'virtues,' I get more anxious. I want her to stop doing that. I'm not a good man.
"Don't do that, Katie. You don't know me," I protest, trying to make her stop elevating me as if I'm some kind of saint.
"Then tell me more about yourself," she insists. "Tell me something I don't know, and I'm sure that my opinion won't change."
She's wrong, so wrong. Her opinion about me will change. It definitely will. I'm the devil, while this angel sees nothing but good in all the people in the world.
A long, torturous silence comes next. Katie keeps staring at me while I seem like I can't even look at her. It's the first time in my life I’ve felt this way.
"You said you don't want to lie to me." She breaks the silence first, trying to erase this tension between us, but I'm not sure it's that easy.
"It's true," I say, finally forcing myself to look at her.
"Then why don't you want to tell me?"
"I'm afraid." I exhale loudly, thinking that it's the first time since I was a kid that I'm really, honestly afraid of something.
"But why?" she whispers, not realizing the obvious.
I want to tell her that I love her, but it seems like the words are stuck in my mouth.
That's why I ask, "If I tell you all about my darkness, will you still look at me as if I'm the light?"
Chapter Seventeen
Katie
If I tell you all about my darkness, will you still look at me like I'm the light?
His words echo in my head as if he keeps repeating them over and over. A man that I thought was a monster turned into one of the kindest people in the world. Even though he's a vampire, who cares?
I know what he's going to say. That he probably did a lot of bad things in the past. He's rich, and that probably means he earned his wealth by doing a lot of bad things. Maybe he’s even killed someone. But I already knew that, didn't I? Deep down inside, I always knew that he was a vampire, and vampires kill. It didn't stop me from coming here.
But what surprises me the most is how he’s looking at me right now. As if he truly cares what I may think of him. As if our feelings for each other are not something temporary, they are real.
But how can it be? How's that possible? For a thousand times, I tell myself that we barely know each other, so I can't fall for him, but do we, really? Because it feels like I've known Raphael longer than I’ve known myself, even though it sounds ridiculous, even in my head.
"Yes," I whisper, looking straight into his eyes, not even blinking. I don't even breathe as I say it, afraid that breathing may somehow ruin the moment.
"I killed my parents’ murderers," he finally says and breathes out a sigh of relief. I guess he has been carrying this burden for years without sharing it with someone, and he is kind of relieved that he finally confessed.
I keep staring at Raphael, trying to see evil in him, but I can't. All I see is a young man who lost his parents and wanted their murderers to pay the price, to get revenge. I honestly don't know what I would personally have done if I’d been in his place.
"I'm sorry, Raphael, I'm so sorry," I close my eyes and whisper, trying to pull myself together.