Yes, he didn't, and he also ignored a couple of calls and even came earlier today because last time I told him not to be late or I would cancel our lessons.
But what irritated me the most was that he looked at the screen, and I involuntarily looked at it, too. And now I know that Cameron Kane sent him a photo. And since I know who she is, I believe it's the kind of picture he can't show other people.
My stomach shrinks at the thought that he's having a lesson with me but is going to be thinking about naked Cameron. I know that they’ve probably slept together; I saw her stalking him in the hallways after classes.
I wipe away that thought and try to ignore an unpleasant feeling from the depth of my body that doesn't like the idea that he's thinking about another girl.
And now I hate myself for putting on makeup today. I was trying to hide the dark circles under my eyes with concealer and put blush on my cheeks to make myself look fresh and healthy. With two jobs and preparation for college, I look like that professor fromBack to the Futuremost of the time.
And now I hate myself for doing that; this guy doesn't deserve it, even though I tried to convince myself that I was doing it for myself first and foremost.
Why do I even care what he thinks of me? Do I really care if he looks at his phone? A couple of weeks studying with him is all we're going to have together, and then he'll go back to his party life, and I'll go back to my boring one. That's all.
"Have you heard anything I said?" I ask angrily, trying not to think about it anymore.
He pisses me off so much that I want to punch him. And it's not only because of how he behaves—as if we're not studying but playing games. It's primarily because of how I feel when he's around: he makes me hold my breath each time I look at him. For some reason, it feels as if he sees me from the inside. And I'm always the first to lower my gaze, even though I try not to.
"I listen to you very attentively,Serena." He speaks with a low voice, almost whispering, highlighting my name as if it was some kind of prayer.
And then, without breaking our eye contact, he puts his phone on mute and puts it down with the screen facing the table.
And through all this, he hasn't blinked once!
Our eyes lock, and there's this feeling as if he knows what I'm thinking. I swallow and turn away.Again.I am not able to handle this battle between us. And it bothers me for some reason.
What the hell is going on with me?
It's only a couple of weeks, Serena, and then you'll forget about him.I try to convince myself, but it's not working.
"So what do you think about Emma and Mr. Smith's engagement? Do they really love each other?" I smile mischievously, utterly sure that he lied about listening to me.
For a couple of moments, he stays silent, simply looking at me. And then, he slowly moves a little closer. I swallow, not ready for this gaze battle again but unable to look away.
I am aware of the fresh scent of his shaving gel mixed with the light wood and bergamot flavor of his cologne. I do my best not to inhale deeply despite how the smell beckons me.
"Harriet Smith is Emma's best friend," he begins, not taking his gaze from mine and then moving even closer. "And no matter how much I'd like to read about a lesbian couple, this isn't one."
For a second or two, I simply stare at him, amazed that he really was listening to me. And then I start laughing, trying to imagine Jane Austen's novel about a gay couple in love.
"I'm glad you can laugh, Serena," Dom says with a satisfied smile on his face. "I was almost sure that you're a robot."
And after he says that, I feel a little more confident.
Chapter Five
Serena
It's our third lesson, but studying with Dominic Astor is only getting harder, even though I thought I'd get more comfortable over time.
Well, I was wrong, because I'm not feeling any more confident. It still feels like I'm the one who's being examined while I'm with him. It feels like he is a strict teacher who I'm forced to listen to.
I don't know why I feel this way. Maybe it's because of my inner self-doubt, the kind Astor has never had, and I hate it. He wouldn't care if he got a D or had a stain on his T-shirt (he never does, actually), but even if he did, he would still be the king of our academy—while I'm going to stay invisible forever, worrying about my grades and how I look. Nobody else really pays attention to me.
"Why are you so pensive today?" Dom breaks my thoughts, and I realize that he has already answered my question, but I'm still silent.
"It's nothing." I shake my head without looking at him. I'm not going to tell Astor about my worries.
"Something is bothering you, and I want to know what it is," he insists, and I look up at him.