My stomach shrinks at the look in her eyes, and that's when I realize that I'm lost.
I’ve fallen in love. And I want to be with this woman for the rest of our lives.
"I don't want to get rid of you," she whispers with a smile, stroking my hair. "I want my first time to be with someone I can trust."
Those words ring in my head as if someone poured a bucket of water over me.
Someone I can trust...I repeat silently, and it feels like it's becoming harder to breathe.
I'm not the kind of person she thinks I am. She thinks I'm friendly and gentle. She feels that she can trust me.
She doesn't know what I did... She knows nothing about me.
"What's wrong?" she asks with worry, and the smile evaporates from her face.
I guess I can't hide my emotions with this woman, and my concern and guilt are now written all over my face.
"I'm not the one you need, Gabi," I say, and those words cut me like a knife. It hurts harder than I could've imagined.
"What do you mean?" She frowns with a worried expression and gets up on her elbows.
"You don't know me. You can't be sure that I'm the one you need for your first time."
"I know what I want, Alex," she objects, raising her voice.
"You think you do, but you might change your mind later when you know me better," I explain, slightly pulling up. I can't do this. Especially not to her. "And then you're going to regret it for the rest of your life."
"Alex, what are you talking about?"
"I have to go."
"Now?!"
"I have to do something, and then we'll talk." I take her face in my palms and press my lips to her forehead.
I inhale her scent deeply, trying to remember every single detail. It's possible that she won't let me do that again when she finds out what I did.
"Please don't go," she pleads, taking me by the hand. Her big brown puppy eyes are wet. "Why can't we talk now?"
I can't explain it. First, I should talk to someone else, and then I can tell her everything. And she can decide if she wants to be with me after that confession.
I can't believe I'm doing this to her.
But it's better sooner than later.
I'm the one who's going to be hurt more. And I'm okay with that. As long as I don't make Gabrielle struggle because of my mistakes.
"I'll come back, Gabi, and we'll talk. I promise."
And then I turn away and quickly walk out of the room without looking at her. Because I know that if I do, I won't be able to leave.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Gabi
He left, just like that. After everything we've been through. After I opened my legs for him. After I opened my heart and soul.
I notice the tears only when they fall down my cheeks, and I feel the salt taste on my lips.