"No, thank you," she retorts right away, still not looking at me.
I take one more step and sit on a rock next to her. Close enough to touch her with my hand, but not too close. I don't want to feel the heat of her skin or smell her scent. It would drive me crazy once again, and I won't be able to think clearly.
"I give you my word," I continue, trying not to look down. It's not as high as from the side of my house but still makes me nervous. Not because I can fall, but because she may.
She scoffs. "Why should I believe you?"
And then she finally turns to look at me. I freeze from her gaze. It expresses pain mixed with anger. My heart squeezes at the way she looks at me. I swallow, unable to look away.
Her big brown eyes are glistering in sun rays. Her eyelashes and brows seem even darker when they're wet as if she's wearing makeup. Even though she has beautiful olive skin, dark circles appear under her eyes. Her full dark-rose lips are pressed together in anger.
She's so beautiful. I can't look away.
"You look so tired. Do you sleep well?" I ask carefully, trying to sound friendly, not like I’m accusing her of something.
She turns away immediately, clearing her throat. "Why do you care?" Her voice is harsh.
How can I answer that? I don't know myself. The only thing I know is that this girl has become the most important person in my life. I can't explain why, simply because she exists.
But I won't tell her this, not now, not ever. She wouldn't believe me anyway.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, barely audible. My breathing is heavy, as if I just finished my exercises. My heart tries to beat out of my chest.
She looks at me once again. Her lips are slightly open, her eyes round in surprise, even though she tries not to show it.
"I am…" I repeat, clearing my throat. "I am very sorry I offended you when I said those things about you and a threesome."
"You didn’t," she replies right away. "I don't care who you sleep with."
She scoffs once again, looking straight into my eyes. It's obviously a lie. Her lower lip trembles, and she bites it in an effort to not show weakness.
"I didn't sleep with anyone after you left," I finally confess, without breaking our eye contact. She has to see how serious I am. "I pushed you away because I got scared."
I look away, unable to stand her intense gaze on me anymore.
"I was in some kind of trance. I had a..."
"Panic attack," she finishes, interrupting me. "Yeah, I know."
I was aware that she probably had to know what she was doing when she started hugging me tightly, exactly like my mother did when she saw me like that for the first time.
"I didn't have them for a while," I continue, my voice low, almost whispering, "but then I saw you jumping from that cliff and..."
I stop, unable to continue. I cannot tell her what happened that night. Nobody has to know, especially not her. She already thinks badly of me, and if she knew the truth, she'd hate me for the rest of her life.
"...I don't know why I kissed you," I lie. That was pure passion, and I know it. "But when I realized how young you are, I got angry at myself for being so stupid."
"I am legal," she whispers as if justifying herself. Or me.
"I know," I retort without thinking. I shouldn't have confessed that I checked her file.
I take a look at her. Her right eyebrow is lifted slightly in surprise even though she says nothing.
Great. Now she'll think I’m some kind of stalker. Which I am, by the way, since I watch her every morning. But she doesn't have to know that.
"I mean, I've checked the age of all my students," I lie once again, trying to make it up, but only burying myself deeper.
I take a look at her and see a slight smirk on her face. Of course, she doesn't believe me. And why should she? All I’ve done is lie and humiliate her.