When I woke the next morning, the power had been restored, and the room was back to its normal temperature. I’d slipped out of bed and into the shower. I stood underneath the warm spray and closed my eyes. The memories of last night flashing before my eyes. I could feel his urgent kiss, his hands as they roamed parts of my body, the way his mouth felt as he sucked my hardened nipples into his mouth. I could hear his ragged breathing as I ground myself down onto him, his soft moans as I repeated those moves over and over, until he finally flipped me over onto my back. As I stood there, I could feel my centre begin to throb as those memories ran through my mind, and I leaned up against the wall and placed my fingers between my legs.
I had dressed and had just hung up the phone from ordering breakfast when Maddox woke. I could feel the tension rising in the room and I swallowed hard as he climbed out of bed. I watched as he stretched, I had no idea how to react to what had happened between us. I didn’t know how he was going to react to what had happened. I dug deep trying to find the words I wanted to say as he walked over to me. He placed his hand on my shoulder, bent down and placed a single kiss on my lips.
"Morning." His eyes met mine, and then he met my lips one more time, pulling me against him, before he made his way into the bathroom.
There was nothing else said about what had happened the night before between us, and if it hadn't been for that morning kiss, I would have thought he hadn’t remembered what had happened.
We spent our last day in Paris touring some museums. We walked together, sharing small, intimate glances as we held hands. We focused our attention on one another, instead of on the artifacts of each museum. We talked silently through touches and glances, looking into one another's eyes, saying more to one another than could have been possible with words.
It was still hard for me to believe what had happened between us in the early-morning hours, my mind constantly going back to that first deep kiss. His kiss was like no other I had experienced before, and if I were being open and honest with myself, I couldn't wait for the next one.
It was a new feeling for me to be so perfectly in sync with someone that I almost didn't know how to handle it. I'd never been like this with Derrick or any of the other guys I'd been with. But I needed to stop myself because Maddox and I weren't together. Then a question popped into my head: what were we to one another? Instead of allowing my thoughts to overtake, I cleared my mind, slipped my hand into his, and tried not to overthink things.
When we returned from the museum, we took our time packing our things, preparing for the move to Le Mont-Dore in the morning. It was a full day of travel, and even though I knew Maddox was looking forward to spending some time on the slopes, neither of us were really looking forward to losing an entire day travelling.
"What do you say we order in some room service? Perhaps, add in a bottle of that wine we both love?" he asked while picking up his bag and placing it by the door. I stood at the edge of the bed, struggling with the lock on my bag as he waited for my response. "Here, let me," he said, coming over, wrapping his arms around me from behind. My entire body was on fire as I felt the heat from his body and his scent surround me. His hands covered mine as he slipped the lock from my fingers and fiddled with it.
When the lock finally clicked shut, I looked up at him. “Thank you,” I whispered as our eyes locked, and we stood there for a moment, until he finally brought his lips to mine for a quick kiss, which turned deeper. I closed my eyes as his lips danced over mine and felt a large void when he pulled away.
"That sounds...fantastic," I said, looking up at him.
"It does sound fantastic," he said breathlessly as he bent his head and brought his lips to mine once again, his hand resting on my lower abdomen, pulling me back against him as he kissed me deeper this time.
I could already feel his arousal through his jeans and wanted more, but he pulled away. My body screamed. I didn't want him to stop, yet I was afraid to do anything that would bring him back.
He picked up my bag and placed it down beside his. "All right then, let's take a peek at the menu and decide what we want," he said, throwing the room service menu down on the edge of the bed, moving to lean against the desk.
I could feel him watch me as I read over the menu. I'd finally made a choice, and while he called for the food, I checked to make sure I had our tickets ready for the train tomorrow.
We shared food, some wine, and watched a movie, and then, as if it were a normal occurrence between us, we fell into bed together for the first time without reason. Only tonight, there was no kissing nor messing around. He simply pulled me into his arms and held me until the warmth of his body enveloped me and we fell asleep.
I woke in the middle of the night, panic filling me. I sat up and looked around the room and then to Maddox, who slept soundly beside me, trying to catch my breath.
I slipped from the bed, getting up to grab a drink of water. I filled the glass and stood in the bathroom drinking down the cool liquid, looking at my reflection in the mirror. My mind was running over all that had happened over the past few weeks.
First, Derrick popped into my mind, reliving our relationship and how distant we truly had been. The relationship had been so toxic and blinding, or perhaps it was my thoughts of what I wanted our relationship to be and that was what had blinded me, turning everything toxic. I'd been so caught up in the security he offered, I saw nothing else. I wanted to believe that I had been the right one for him, but now, as I stood looking at myself, I wondered if I was ever going to be right for anyone.
I could feel a deep lump forming in my throat, making it hard for me to breathe as I fought back the tears that were threatening to fall. I re-filled the glass with water and sipped it slowly until that lump disappeared.
Then I looked at myself, at the way I had dealt with Derrick telling me he had cheated. Had it hurt? Yes. Had it been my fault? No. He had done these things under his own volition, no one else’s. I thought back to all the times he had yelled or disapproved of something I had done, when in fact he should have supported me. I thought back to all the times he had left me at home or hadn’t come home, and I wondered if those had been the nights he’d been with other woman, but deep down I knew the answer. Maddox was right, he didn’t deserve my tears; he didn’t deserve another thought.
I walked back into the bedroom and glanced at the bed where Maddox slept, his back toward me. Then I glanced over to the couch, wondering if I shouldn't just take the blanket and curl up over there instead of sleeping beside him, but then I looked back to the bed and thought back to the warmth he offered. I let out a breath and, without giving it another thought, climbed back into bed and curled up under the covers. I’d just gotten comfortable when Maddox rolled over to face me. I took this moment to watch him as he slept, to study the softness in his face.
As I watched him, his story came to the front of my mind. I remembered his face as he told me about Jenn, and I felt my heart break as I tried to even comprehend the pain he must have felt at such a young age. Most people, after experiencing something like that, would have changed and become cold and afraid to love. Yet none of that seemed true about Maddox.
He was different, and even though we weren't in a relationship, I could totally see myself getting hooked on him. Even though I hadn't suffered the same loss he had, there was a part of me that was petrified of letting him in. I wondered if he too felt this way, afraid to let someone in again. I was afraid of having a repeat of what had just happened. What if I got involved with Maddox only to find out that I wasn't enough for him either? That he wanted more than I could give. The fear of that happening was completely ingrained in me. Then his words ran through my head about how a real man would have stood before me and told me the truth before he bedded another. Those words did offer me some kind of comfort, giving me a glimpse into the type of man he really was.
I rolled over and faced the room. I had to break this thought cycle if I were going to get any more sleep. I closed my eyes and did my best to relax. I steadied my breathing and was just about asleep when I felt Maddox wrap an arm around my waist and pull me against him. He placed a gentle kiss on the crook of my neck, and soon he was breathing lightly against me.
As I lay there wrapped in his arms, I knew there was no way I should compare either of these men to one another because each of them were so different that I already knew there was absolutely no comparison.
Then, without warning, a thought ran through my head that shocked me. What if Derrick had been the wrong choice for me from the beginning? That the only way I ever would have met this man lying beside me was for me to go through all of this. Perhaps this experience had taught me I needed a man, one who wasn't afraid to show his love, one who supported me no matter what, not one who only did so at his convenience. I needed to be made to feel special. I needed someone to lean on when things went wrong, and I needed someone who loved me for who I was, not for who they wanted me to be, and in return I would give all those things back. It was then, in the moments of the wee hours of the morning, as I lay in his arms, that the realization came to me, that it was time to take what I deserved and to be okay with it.
I closed my eyes as a sense of peace came over me as those thoughts had run through my head. I felt the slight puff of breath against my skin, and then Maddox kissed me once again, pulling me tighter into him. A surge of excitement ran through my body. I closed my eyes tight and allowed that feeling to flow right through me. I realized in that moment it was too late to stop how I was feeling. Who was I trying to kid? I was already hooked on him, and I just prayed that he, too, was hooked on me, and I’d never have to worry about him breaking my heart.
It was a little after nine when we finally arrived at the door to our private chalet. We were both exhausted from the long day of travel, and we waited patiently as the bellhop brought our luggage from the small golf cart-like vehicle up to the door.
"We hope you enjoy your stay with us," he said, inserting the key and turning the lock. He pushed the door open and turned on the lights. We stepped into a sunken living room with an enormous stone fireplace, a fire already lit. We had a perfect view of the ski hills, lined with white lights as little black bodies scurried down the hills. I watched as Maddox walked over to the window and glanced out, then turned and looked at me, smiling.