“Coffee would be good, thanks,” he answered. I could sense the disappointment in his voice, but he didn't let on that anything was wrong.
“How's the book drive been going?”
“Okay, I guess, this storm isn't going to help matters. It may shut us down for a day or two. Highway patrol shut everything down this morning. It couldn't have come at a worse time.”
“How much have you raised so far?”
“I'm just shy of five thousand,” I said, pouring him a cup of steaming coffee.
“Well, that’s good then, they should be happy with what they get. I mean, after all, it’s more than they had to start.”
I knew how Ray felt about me doing this. Sure, he liked the fact I wanted to help, but in his mind, if all I collected was five dollars, it would be good enough. I felt as though it didn't matter to him that I knew all too well the truth of what these families had been going through. Single mothers trying to raise children on a very limited budget, most of them wouldn't be getting a Christmas this year. At least with the money, they would be able to have a decent holiday meal and a gift for each child under the tree with a little money left over. It mattered to me what I raised. I knew these families well and knew they were struggling to make ends meet, just like I had, and I hadn’t had extra mouths to feed.
“Yes, Ray, I suppose your right. However, the more I can give to them, the happier I will be. It matters to me.” I set my mug down and grabbed a pot to thaw my soup.
“Is that what you're having for dinner? Maybe I'll join you. After all, it's getting later than I thought.” He glanced at his watch and plunked down on the stool, sipping his coffee, watching my every move.
“Sure.” I dumped the contents of the half-frozen soup into the pot and turned on the stove. I was on edge and could barely even look at him after all that had happened while he’d been gone.
We ate in complete silence. Every move I made, I could feel his eyes drilling deeper into me. I cleared the bowls from the counter and placed them in the dishwasher, then busied myself making another pot of coffee. I couldn't get my mind off Brody out in the cold, and I half listened as Ray went on and on about his trip. I glanced at the time, it was already eight. I knew once Ray left, I wouldn't be getting much sleep. I would need to spend the night writing to keep myself distracted from the bad thoughts I was having. I filled the coffee maker with water, then filled up the filter with fresh coffee grounds.
Ray was making me super uncomfortable. I tried to put the fact he was watching me out of my mind. I glanced over my shoulder at him before going to the deep freeze to put the coffee grounds back in the freezer. As I shut the freezer door I felt his hands slip around my waist and his lips at the back of my neck.
“I missed you,” he whispered. “I couldn't wait to get back here to you. I'm glad we have the house to ourselves.” He ran his hands up my body, taking my breasts into his hands while kissing the side of my neck. I closed my eyes, holding back tears, my mind going to Brody and the events of this morning. At that moment, I wished he was here instead of out there, and he was the one who was behind me, holding me, kissing me, and touching me.
I stood frozen, feeling nothing but violated as he continued his assault on me. He ran his hands back down my stomach and slid them into my pants, running his fingers over my panties.
“You're wet already, baby,” he whispered, taking my ear into his mouth.
“Ray, stop,” I cried out, but he ignored me.
I could feel his arousal pressing into me. He plunged his fingers inside my panties, dipping them into my wetness.
“Fuck, you’re making my mouth water, baby, I can't wait to taste you.” He picked me up, throwing me over his shoulder.
“Ray, please, I can't.”
He smacked me on the ass. “What do you mean you can't?”
“I got my period today.” I lied.
Ray leaned in and kissed me. “That doesn't bother me, baby, you know that.”
“It does me, so can we wait, please?”
His forehead met mine, the look in his eyes told me he was questioning my refusal. “If we must. I probably should get home and unload the truck. You sure you got everything you need here?” He glanced over his shoulder at the pile of wood I had brought in.
“I believe so,” I nodded.
“It's fine, don't worry, once I get the truck unloaded I'll come back over, and spend the night. I want to make sure you’re fine.”
“Of course.”
Ray grabbed his jacket and threw on his boots. As soon as he was gone, I ran to my cell and checked for any messages, but there was still nothing. I quickly typed out aWish you were hereand sat down for my last few minutes of solitude and started writing.
Before Ray returned, I quickly changed the sheets on my bed—they smelled of sex and Brody. Ray was coming back, no doubt spending the night, and there was no way to talk him out of it.
I lay awake, listening to the howling wind while Ray snored beside me. I kept my cell phone beside me on the night stand, watching for the screen to light up, signifying I had a message. I was trying not to worry, but after another two hours, there was still nothing.