His mate was pregnant. Now he had to care for her and provide for her as well as their cub.
I’m going to fuck them up, both of them! I’ll ruin their lives!
Gage sat completely still, his arms frozen by his sides. He still didn’t know where to look. His chest was tightening slowly, a great fist of doom squeezing his breath out, killing him with infinite slowness.
Rylee sighed, the soft sound breaking the silence. To Gage, it felt like being tossed into an icy lake. He looked at Rylee, blinking hard and trying to force a decent breath into his lungs.
“Maybe, I wanted this,” Rylee said softly. She was looking at the little test strip, her face calm and her body relaxed. When she looked up at him, her eyes were wide and caring.
“Maybe, we both wanted it,” she whispered, holding his gaze. “I always knew I’d be a mother someday. I’m thirty now. It is getting late for me, I guess. Subconsciously, I could have screwed up my pills.” She shrugged, laughing a little. “I’m a nurse…I know they are most effective when they are taken at the same time every day.”
Gage felt fury raging through him. He was searching for meaning, trying to understand this world that had changed so fast around him. He said the first thing that came into his head. “Did you do this on purpose?” he cried. “Did you mess up your medication just to trap me?”
Rylee’s mouth dropped open, her eyes wide. He had never seen her look so shocked or so wounded. His own expression remained hard as he waited for her to explain herself.
Deep down, he didn’t believe she could have done this on purpose. He knew it was a shitty thing to say to her. The trouble was this situation was more stressful than being pinned down by enemy fire. It was scarier too. At least if he was dodging bullets, he knew exactly what to do.
He ran his fingers through his hair, the emotions in him colliding, making a potent kind of anger. He couldn’t be a decent mate for Rylee, let alone a good father. He just wasn’t cut out for it.
While the thoughts swirled around his brain, Gage watched Rylee’s face go through a storm of emotions. He expected her to get upset, to yell at him, maybe even deny his accusation. When she stood slowly and pointed at the door, he was surprised by how calm she was.
“Get out,” she snapped. Her bottom lip trembling slightly was the only sign of distress. “Get the fuck out, right now! You can be damn sure that I’m not trying to trap you because I never want to see you again!”
Even though her voice rose, she barely moved, and her expression didn’t change. He knew he had hurt her deeply, and he’d do anything to take it back.
“Rylee,” he said, almost stumbling over her name. “I can’t, I mean…”
He couldn’t find the words. He needed to tell her that this couldn’t happen…he’d be a terrible husband and an asshole of a father. The words ran ahead of his tongue, impossible to catch. He waved a hand helplessly.
“Get out, now,” Rylee ordered, pointing emphatically at the door. “You are not welcome in my life or in my child’s life. Thank you very much for your sperm donation, but your services are no longer needed.”
“What the fuck?” Gage cried, his anger finally finding words that his sorrow couldn’t. “How dare you say such a thing to me!”
“Are you pretending that you care now?” she hissed. Gage was already heading for the door, and her voice was fading away behind him. He grabbed the doorknob, slamming the door open.
“I don’t need this!” he roared. “Any of this. Just go to hell if that’s what you think of me!”
Rylee went to speak again, but Gage stormed off, not bothering to shut the door behind him. He was only a few steps down the hallway when he heard the locks clicking into place. A strange laugh slipped out of him.
I have a fucking key.
Not that it mattered. With his shifter strength, he could tear the door down if he wanted to.
Not that I want to. The last place I want to go is back in there.
Gage headed for the stairs, looking forward to charging down them to run off some adrenaline and, hopefully, exhaust his anger. He knew, though, this was a vain hope.
He’d been angry every day of his life. He’d just gotten good at living with it. He was not equipped to deal with this situation, and he was painfully aware of that.
He could try to explain to Rylee why he couldn’t be there for her, but it would be kinder for all of them if he just left. She had no intention of talking to him ever again, so how could he explain even if he wanted to?
Before he had even realized it, he had conquered the staircase and was running down the street. He couldn’t slow down. It was as if he were trying to run away from his own inadequacy, his own failure. Again, he heard gunshots in his mind and the screams of people dying.
I never deserved her.
That was the complete, honest truth. He was not worthy of her, never had been. This moment had always been coming. He had just fooled himself for a very short time that maybe he'd stay with her. Maybe they could keep their private little world where nothing ever had to change.
As if I could ever get that lucky.