As he got to her door, he reflected on the way Draco and Talon had been nonstop annoying since they found their mates. He wasn’t proud of it, but it made him want to avoid them. All the two of them did was talk about how great their mates were and all the wonderful future plans they had.
Since Gage couldn’t talk about his mate…or make similar plans…he preferred to spend time with Rylee instead. She made him just as annoyingly happy as the other two guys, even if he couldn’t show it.
Gage used his key to let himself in, smiling to himself as he did so. He and Rylee were supposed to be “not that serious,” and yet she had given him a key. She didn’t want any of their friends to know, even after a few months, and she kept telling him it was casual.
He didn’t have any expectations, even though he did think there might be more to Rylee’s feelings than what she let on. He certainly wasn’t ready to announce their mating and flaunt it all over the world like Talon and Draco did.
Gage wandered over to the dark windows, watching the city moving below. The situation was completely different for him than it was for Talon and Draco. He wasn’t an alpha, so that kind of responsibility didn’t fall to him.
Since the war and the PTSD, he’d stayed away from stressful situations and let others take on responsibility. The sleuth needed a strong, confident leader, not a bear who questioned every move he made.
Gage raised his hand, touching the cool glass. Even though he tried to push them back, dark images crowded into the edge of his mind. Explosions bloomed, people screamed, and bullets flew. He closed his eyes, pressing his hands over them until everything was black.
He took a deep breath, opening his eyes slowly as he focused again on the city below. He was broken, and he knew it. He couldn’t be an alpha, not anymore.
He fought with himself further, knowing that Rylee would be home soon and he needed to get himself under control. All it took was the slightest memory of his past, and he was struck by his own stupidity.
How could a woman like Rylee really want to be with him? No wonder she kept the relationship a secret and held him at bay. She could sense that he was damaged goods even when he had never opened up to her.
I need a drink.
He headed into Rylee’s kitchen, taking a bottle of tequila out of the cupboard. Rylee didn’t have much in the way of alcohol in her house, just a few fancy bottles of wine. He’d bought the tequila one night when he’d been experimenting with making cocktails.
That had been a fun night. Instead of going out…where they might run into people they knew…they stayed in and made Mexican food. Gage had managed a few decent cocktails, and they’d curled up on the couch together, streaming old movies.
Gage pushed the memory away as he poured himself a small shot. He threw it back, feeling the alcohol numb him, while at the same time, it warmed his chest. He sighed, feeling all his worries still hanging over his head, but soon, he’d see Rylee, and being with her made everything okay.
So why can’t I claim her?
Gage frowned, shaking his head. He left the tequila on the bench and sat on Rylee’s couch. It seemed he was doomed to live in a place of never-ending conflict. All he wanted was Rylee, but he couldn’t claim her. His own reasons were more than enough, but she was also holding herself at arm’s length, as well.
Do I want things to change?
The sound of a key in the lock made him jump. He sat up quickly to see Rylee coming in the door, shutting it behind her as she flicked on the light. When she saw him sitting on the couch, she cried out in surprise.
“What the hell are you doing here just sitting in the dark?” she asked.
Gage shrugged. “I wanted to wait for you to get back … I didn’t really notice that the lights weren’t on. I was just chilling.”
He got up and walked to her, his arms open. To his surprise, she didn’t move, just stood there in the doorway with her purse clutched to her chest.
Normally by now, she’d be in his arms. It was a pattern, one he’d come to love. The second they knew they were alone, she would leap up, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her body to his.
He needed the comfort of her lips, the thrill of her body against him, and her scent flooding his brain. He needed to comfort himself by drowning in her.
Why is she just standing there?
Gage paused, his hands slowly falling to rest by his sides when he realized she wasn’t going to hug him. He felt lost suddenly. Rylee wasn’t just standing there with indifference. There was an edge to her that seemed almost hostile.
“Is everything okay?” he asked. She nodded.
“I just wasn’t expecting to see you here.”
“I wanted to wait for you. You’re back a bit earlier than I thought you’d be. How was the night with the girls?”
“Good,” she said, not moving from the doorway. “I just decided not to go dancing after dinner. I wanted to get an early night.”
Gage frowned. Rylee was acting so strange. It was really upsetting him. He knew that he was getting triggered and tried to fight it. He didn’t want to take it out on her…he cared about her more than anything in this world.