Sky walks into the kitchen, and she stops and stares at Quinn, then glances away. “Is it okay if I get a drink for me and Ruby?”
Jem points at the fridge. “There’s the weird juice she drinks in there. Or I can make a coffee? Take Quinn for a sec.”
He holds Quinn out to Sky whose eyes widen. “I don’t know...”
“Come on, you need practice,” he says with a tease to his tone.
Sky takes Quinn in her arms and cradles her, looking down at the sleeping baby. Instead of smiling the way most women I know normally do when they hold babies, her mouth stays still. I don’t need to read Sky’s thoughts at this moment: she’s looking at Quinn and imagining our baby who should be in her arms instead.
Her expression softens. “She’s beautiful, Jem.”
Jem grins. “I know what people say about us and how we’ll fu– mess this up, but it won’t happen. This changes everything.”
“Right.” Sky stands awkwardly, and Jem doesn’t take the hint she wants him to take Quinn back. Her pained eyes look to me, and I step up to the role I don’t want, taking the baby from her.
I’ve no idea how to hold a baby. What if it wriggles and I drop it? She’s warm, so fucking small and vulnerable, eyes tightly closed. The same emotion washes over me.My baby isn’t here. I glance up at Sky who has her hand on her stomach and I mouth “Are you okay?” She nods, but she isn’t.
“What flavour does Ruby like?” asks Sky as she turns to the fridge.
“Any.”
“Cool, okay if I grab one too?”
“Sure.”
Sky leaves the kitchen with two small bottles of dark purple juice, and I hear low voices as she talks to Ruby again.
“Sky’s gonna need practice,” Jem says with a laugh. “Didn’t look too comfortable.”
I look at the tiny, warm bundle then back to her dad. “I guess.”
“What’s wrong, man? You’re edgy.”
“We lost a baby,” I blurt and have no idea why I’m saying this to Jem. I told Myf but nobody else and never intended to tell any of the guys.
He gapes at me. “Fuck. I didn’t know. When?”
“Few months back. Early miscarriage. I told Sky she wasn’t ready to see Quinn. Our baby was due next week.”
Jem stares at the floor. “Shit, Dylan. That sucks.”
And this is why I couldn’t say anything. Jem doesn’t mean to sound dismissive, I know, but what did I expect? How can he understand enough to offer more than those words? Maybe his new fatherhood fooled me into thinking he would.
I straighten. “Yeah. So that’s why Sky’s weird.” I hand Quinn back to Jem who holds her tighter than he did before.
“Don’t know what to say,” he mumbles.
“Then say nothing. Don’t mention this to anybody else.”
“Won’t.”
After initiating a conversation I didn’t want, I walk away. Sky and Ruby’s relationship developed over the last few months, and I grow to like her as I see her similarity to Jem and how much she loves him. An unlikely friendship, which will cement when our child joins the five of us.
On the way home, I hold Sky’s hand as I navigate the slow traffic.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“Are you?”