27
AUGUST
SKY
Pregnancy is okay.Almost five months in and I can finally eat without feeling sick. The first few months I was on edge constantly, memories of December too raw, but we focused hard on believing all will be okay this time.
My heart raced to match the pace of baby’s heartbeat as we heard it for the first time and glimpsed the grainy grey image on screen. Last week, we saw her more clearly, and there were tears from both of us.
A girl.
The sonographer warned there’s not a hundred percent guarantee the sex is correct, but in my heart, I believe she is. I don’t know why; I’ve always pictured this new life growing inside me as a girl. Dylan gripped my hand, his dazed expression worried me he wanted a boy, but I know his thoughts match mine: all that matters is a healthy baby.
Boy or girl, this child will be blessed with a father who would bring him or her the moon if asked. A man who loves and protects his wife the way Dylan does, who loves totally and fiercely, already shares this love with the new person entering his life.
He’s overprotective still, which I understand because of the Lily situation, but everything has quietened again. This is Lily’s pattern and worries me. It’s as if she knows disappearing under the radar for a while takes the heat off, but her weird obsession over Dylan, and now me, doesn’t falter. Dylan relaxes when she backs off, and as he’s experienced her scrutiny longer than me, I accept we’re safe.
The crazy lovechild lie still baffles me. Extensive investigations found nothing, no sign of any pregnancy or birth. No child. If I weren’t frightened by Lily, I’d pity her. What does she think her behaviour will achieve?
So far, the pregnancy goes well. I’m unimpressed about the tiredness. Dylan’s impressed by the fact pregnancy makes me want sex. Lots of sex. Sex and Dylan has always been addictive, but add in whatever body changes ramped this up and my frustration grows. This caused an issue originally. Forthright Dylan asked the doctor how safe sex is, and because of the miscarriage, he suggested we avoid for the first trimester. Convinced sex caused the miscarriage, Dylan agreed, and we had to be inventive instead. As soon as I hit what we felt was a safe point, he didn’t take much persuading.
Unspoken thoughts filled us the day we heard Ruby and Jem’s baby arrived. We should have our first baby with us now. I focused on the child growing inside me, moving around and insistent I know she’s there.
When I heard the news, I pulled out the toy Dylan brought home when I discovered the pregnancy last year. I spoke to my lost baby, told her I’d always love her, then kissed the nose before tucking the toy away in the back of the drawer.
I’ve met and chatted with Ruby a few times over the last few months and in a bizarre twist of events compared pregnancy side effects. She’s tough to talk to, but the vibe from her isn’t rude, just closed off. It takes a lot for this girl to trust. Dylan’s still wary of her, because he sees parallels to Liv, but I don’t. I see a happy Jem. A clean Jem. I see a man who’s alive in Ruby’s company, when a year ago I worried he’d be dead by now.
Ruby and Jem hide themselves away for a couple of weeks after their daughter is born. I don’t blame them; new parenthood is stressful enough without intrusion, and I intend to do the same. They have no family, and both commented in the past, there’ll be no nannies to help. This concerns me. They need a decent support network, and as far as I know, the only friends Ruby has are the Ruby Riot guys, and they can’t offer what she needs.
I’ve spoken to Cerys over my fears, and we both want to help how we can, but we need Ruby to allow us into her life. Hers and Jem’s relationship is intense, and their pasts filled with pain they haven’t yet dealt with. Is it wrong I doubt their future together? Yes, but I do.
Jem and Ruby are nothing like I expected on the day we visit them at their secluded estate. Inside the large bright room overlooking the gardens, Ruby rests on the blue upholstered sofa. She’s dressed the way she always is, hidden behind heavy make-up, not ready to let us in fully yet, even though she greets us with a warm hello. Jem greeted us, barefoot, scruffy clothes as ever, but with a brightness in his tired face. He sits beside Ruby and takes her hand.
The baby sleeps in a bassinet nearby, and it’s as if Quinn’s presence blocks out the tension often surrounding the couple, bringing serenity to the new family.
“Congratulations,” I say and return their smiles.
Dylan holds out a gift bag covered in pink flowers. Jem takes hold and looks inside. When he pulls out the tiny baby sleepsuits Dylan bought, I attempt not to laugh and fail. Dylan nudges me as Jem frowns.
“Sorry, it’s just this is so non-rock star.”
Ruby joins me with a small laugh, and the tension in the room breaks. “So true.”
“How are you both... all?” I ask.
Ruby nods. “She’s pretty good. No problems, really.”
“Yeah, Ruby’s a natural,” says Jem and hugs Ruby to him.
“As are you.” She pokes him in the side.
These are different people to the ones I met before. I can’t equate Jem with the man who threatened me the first time we met or Ruby the sullen girl from the awards ceremony. My judgement of the couple is wrong; I don’t know them at all.
“We’re having a girl too,” says Dylan, and I shoot him a look. We agreed not to tell anybody the sex yet.
“Yeah? Reckon they’ll be good mates,” says Jem.
“Like their dads,” I say. “Has to happen.”