17
DYLAN
Mid-February,mid tour, and I’m surprised how I enjoy performing again. Before we cancelled the tour last year, my head was a mess, fogged with pressure and self-loathing. At each US concert, I went through the motions: a puppet for the masses. Stadiums. Faces. Lights. Hotels. Drink. Rinse and repeat. The whole band did. Exhausted from years on the road and the conflict escalating, it’s no surprise the four of us almost fell apart permanently.
The break allowed oxygen into the suffocating vacuum our lives became, each of us taking a dip back into reality and happiness. Even Jem. I’m surprised but relieved he’s forging a genuine relationship, not only with Ruby but with us too. I hold onto the hope this is Jem’s new start, and she’ll keep him away from the half existence he trapped himself inside. Jem talks to me more. He’s back to the guy who laughs and jokes around instead of spitting vitriol and pushing everybody away.
Bryn’s odd since we arrived on tour. I’m unsure if something happened to piss him off before the tour started or whether his stunning sister’s arrival on tour and the attention from the Riot boys causes the moods. Yep, Jem’s pet project, Ruby Riot, are here, as promised. At first I was dubious in case Steve had agreed to this in order to keep Jem sweet. Then I heard the band play, and I can’t deny their talent. They’re the best support act we’ve had in years.
Sky joins us, but she isn’t a fan of the tour grind and already hints she’s heading back to the UK. The disastrous US tour last year put her off, but I selfishly don’t want Sky to leave. I worry about Lily, still, but we’ve seen or heard nothing. Private investigators tracked down Lily’s address and my legal team sent a stern warning to leave us alone. We couldn’t threaten Lily with police action, but maybe the legal attention will scare her. Sky assured me if Lily contacts her, she will tell me. I agree the same.
Latest stop: Paris.
I rest against the table in the Green Room with my beer, a quick catch up before I find Sky. She wasn’t at tonight’s performance, always a sign she’s about to leave the grind. I’ve promised her we’ll head out later, to somewhere exclusive where we won’t be hassled. I’ve visited Paris countless times, but there was never any romance involved back then. Now I have Sky, tapping into the real Parisian world makes sense.
My big concern: will the press follow us? So far, we’ve avoided evenings out on tour, and this will be a test. Sky won’t want to stay if people are in her face. We could be lucky. Riot guitarist, Jax, is under the spotlight more this tour, and anything that deflects attention from me is good.
Jax, the man-child, stands opposite now and talks loudly about our lack of partying. I zone out. He’s a great musician but an immature kid full of his own self-importance. He reminds me of a young Jem a little, though I doubt he went through the fucked-up childhood Jem did. Middle-class English boy versus kid abandoned by a shit single parent.
I’ve watched Jax’s swagger and laughed to myself. Sky told me I should have a quiet chat with him and her opinion amused me more. My own experience tells me he wouldn’t listen to a word I said. Sure, I’m only five years older but with ten years’ worth of living.
He’ll learn a thing or two this tour. Such as keeping his hands off Bryn’s little sister if he doesn’t want his face rearranged. I bloody hope the situation brewing between the three ends soon. The easiest solution would be for Bryn to send Tegan home, but I don’t think that’ll happen because Tegan’s as full on as Jax. She’s not very mature but knows her own mind. Jax is unaware Bryn isn’t himself at the moment, or that his well-hidden temper is closer to the surface than usual.Fist fights between the two bands would be quite a story, and one I hope this never comes to.
At least Bryn’s in a better mood after performing tonight, the time of day he loosens up. He’s back to teasing and quipping; maybe he’s over whatever happened with him and the girl in England.
“How’re you feeling now, Ruby?” Bryn asks. “Still sick?”
“Getting better,” she mumbles.
I study her pale face and skinny figure, the scarlet hair hanging loose around her shoulders. Doesn’t look any better to me. I stop listening and zone out, taking my phone from my pocket. A message from Sky. I start to reply as the banter continues around me.
“You are! You’re fucking pregnant!” I snap my head up as the conversation intrudes and stare at Jax’s reddening face. “For fuck’s sake!”
Jax grabs a new beer from the table, pushes past Bryn, who steps to one side in surprise, and storms out of the room.
“Are you?” asks Bryn. “Is she?”
“It’s okay,” she mumbles to Jem.
“Yeah. Ruby’s pregnant.”
The words smack me with enough force to push air from my lungs. Jem? The conversation continues, but all I hear are the words in my own head. Ruby’s having a baby. Jem’s having a baby.
Jem’s grinning. “The best fucking thing.”
Ruby doesn’t look at me, sinking under the weight of Jem’s arm around her shoulders and the situation.
How the fuck? Did he plan this? I cancel the message I’m typing to Sky and stare at the phone, losing track of everything around me. The door bangs a second time as Ruby follows Jax.
I watch her walk out, as shocked by the news as I bet Jem was, and fight the coiling pain inside. A stunned Bryn looks at Jem.
“Man, I was joking at first. Jesus, I don’t know what to say.’
“Yeah.” Jem rubs his fingers across his lips. “Don’t have to say anything, it’s cool.”
“When’s it due?” I ask. “The baby.”
“July”