38
SKY
Relivingthe hours I’ve spent months attempting to hide from—and often failing—kill me. Lily’s trial, the beast looming over me and threatening to pull me back into the dark place is almost done. Months attempting to push the events into a dead recess in my mind disappeared as everything flooded back. Not only the events the day in the apartment, but her insidious behaviour for months before. I spent much time in denial when Dylan attempted to protect me those first few months, and hearing everything laid out in court, I should’ve acknowledged the danger she hinted at.
I’m unsure what’s worse: facing her again today or the fact all the details are now in the public arena, including Jem’s role. It’s a miracle we’ve hidden the events this long. I gave evidence attempting not to look at the pale-faced blonde girl sitting in the dock. I didn’t need to look. Her eyes burned my skin as I fought against breaking down. Does she want me to? Would that give her perverse pleasure?
Afterwards, I walk out shaking, straight into Dylan’s arms, who holds me tight preventing me shattering into pieces. I cry the tears I refused to shed in front of the girl who will forever taint my life through the memories, while Dylan stands in silence.
Apart from my appearance in the courtroom, I don’t watch the trial. I can’t. The only other person I want to see and speak to is Jem, who is called as a witness today. We haven’t spoken much since the day everything happened. The couple of times we met, Jem asked if I was okay, how the baby was, polite questions avoiding the topic. I still have no idea how the evening affected him, what thoughts and memories he has. Now we’re both confronted by this, and the day arrives we can no longer avoid.
I refuse to leave the court until I’m composed, unable to face the shouted questions from people hovering outside. Their intrusion the last couple of days made the whole situation worse, but what else did we expect? We’re escorted to a small room; the one Jem sits in as he avoids leaving too. I hate he’s subjected to public scrutiny again, that the world again dissects what happened. The amusement joining the press’s fascination annoys me. What’s funny about the nightmare we shared and have to come to terms with? About the effect it had on me?
Jem rests back in a chair, legs stretched in front, as he drinks coffee from a disposable cup. Face set hard, his eyes are distant, and I know why. He’s in the same place I am.
Each time I see Jem, he’s further away from the man I first met who threatened me, disliked me to the point of hatred. He looks odd in a suit jacket and trousers, dark shirt buttoned beneath. The tattoos spreading onto his wrists and long hair the only vestiges of rock star Jem. He’s travelled a long way since we first met and found the place he needs to be too. I also have no doubt that Dylan could’ve followed the same path and lost himself as well.
I always saw parts of each other in Dylan and Jem, no doubt responsible for some personality clashing along with their bond. I don’t think the soul mates idea only applies to couples, but can bring friendship to a different level too. I see this in the two men with me. What does that make Jem to me?
“Hey, man,” says Dylan as I halt in the doorway.
He glances up and between us, nodding in greeting.
“Ruby not with you?” asks Dylan.
“Nah. Doesn’t need to be. She asked to come with me but don’t want her involved, yeah?” He sips his coffee and looks at me over the top.
I cross my arms against my chest, heart speeding up again. I need to do this. “Dylan, is it okay if I speak to Jem alone?”
I expect Jem to show alarm, but he doesn’t look up again. Dylan chews a finger and doesn’t hide his confusion. “Uh. Okay.”
“‘S’okay,” replies Jem. “Think we need to.”
I pull out a chair and sit opposite Jem as the door clicks closed behind us. “Sorry,” I say.
He frowns. “Why sorry?”
“That you were involved in all this.”
“I chose to come to the apartment that night, Sky, and I’m glad I did.”
I clasp my hands together, perspiration building along my back. “So am I.”
Silence descends, and I gaze at the small window above Jem’s head. “Do you think she would’ve hurt me?” I ask eventually.
“Not sure. That’s why I went to you.” He rubs a hand across his forehead. “I was involved from the start, wasn’t I?”
I take a breath, hating not just the day Rhys was born is in the room with us, but everything her involvement in our lives caused. “The past is done with. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
Jem laughs softly. “You sound like Ruby.”
“About the birth…” I begin, tentative, gauging how far he wants the conversation to go.
He shifts in his seat. “Fucking nightmare.”
“It gave you nightmares?” I say with a tiny smile.
“I was scared,” he says in a low voice, glancing at the door. “So fucking scared I’d do something wrong and I’d have to tell Dylan his kid had died. Or both of you.”