Rowan had come to the junior high from a different elementary school. I’d barely noticed him before. But when I couldn’t stop rocking, he’d squeezed in there with me, grasped my hand, and talked about all the ridiculous things he could say about the kids who’d locked me in until my panic attack receded.
I’d never trusted anyone at school before. Never really trustedanyone, full stop. But Rowan… Rowan had convinced me he was worth it.
And then he’d thrown all my loyalty and love in my face.
Rowan took another step toward me, the movement bringing me back to the present. There was something in his eyes, a low kindling fire, one that might have been anger or desire or both.
“You shouldn’t be here,” he said, his voice low.
“Really?” I said. “And who the fuck are you to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do?”
He flinched. As ifI’dhurt him. Me, the one who’d given him everything from my first kiss to my virginity. The one who’d spilled all my darkest secrets to him, always expecting him to run away, more reassured every time he didn’t. I’d thought his love meant I was more than just my father’s daughter, a worthless girl.
But he’d run away after all. He had no claim on me now, no right to try to tell me anything about how to live my life. He’d thrown that away when he threwmeaway.
“It’s for your own good, Mer,” he said.
“My good or yours?” I stood up, my food forgotten. I’d lost my appetite.
Rowan’s eye swept down my body and then up again as if he’d been looking for something he hadn’t found. Like him, I’d changed too, a lot of it in ways he couldn’t see.
“This isn’t going to end well,” he said finally.
I snorted. Yeah, it was definitely himself he was worried about. What did my being here cost him? “What are you so afraid of?”
“I’m not afraid,” he snapped. “Not anymore.”
What did he mean by that?
Fuck it, it didn’t matter. I didn’t have to play his games. I brushed past him. “You just don’t want to deal with the fact that I’m here or to face up to what you did all those years ago.”
“That isn’t true,” he said as I headed for the door. “I did what had to be done. I don’t feel any regret.”
My heart stuttered at his words. It turned out Rowan Finlay still had the ability to hurt me.
When I didn’t speak, he kept going. “Walk away from all of this. Your dad is gone; you can start fresh. Maybe this is a good thing for you, just what you needed.”
He had some fucking nerve. “My freedom shouldn’t have come at the cost of innocent lives. Besides, you lost any right to give me advice when you vanished on me.” I spun to face him again. “I never had a normal life, and I never expected to get one. Who says I’d want one anyway?”
I turned on my heel and stalked out of the kitchen.