But she seems happy when I rejoin her. “I’ve been on the pill for more than a year,” she informs me. “Mail-order prescription. I can’t believe you didn’t know that.”
Good to know now that I shot my load. “Does your father know?” I ask as I wipe her clean. Not exactly who I want to be thinking of right now, but I didn’t bring it up.
“Do you think it would be a surprise to you if he did?” Good point. We piece ourselves back together, the tension now gone, though there are still too many unanswered questions to count. I grab us both some water while she recovers, sitting on the stool again and leaning against the counter like she’s wiped out. I can’t pretend it doesn’t make me the slightest bit proud, being the reason for it.
Still, I can’t let it go. It will eat at me like an ulcer unless I say something. “You still haven’t told me why you broke up the fight. Not really.”
She rolls her eyes more dramatically than I think I’ve ever seen. “Why are you stuck on this?”
“Because it struck me as strange. I can’t help it. I need to know.”
“There’s nothing to know. Why can’t you get that? Why do you keep having to try to turn this into something it isn’t?”
I don’t know. That’s the thing. There she is, barely recovered from the punishment I gave her, hair mussed, and her makeup smeared thanks to me. We’ve been as physically close as two people can be, yet it’s still hard to open up. I wonder if it will ever be easy. Probably not.
Eventually, she realizes she’s not getting away with avoiding the question. “Because it wouldn’t have been fair. You’re much bigger and stronger than he is. You would have kicked his ass and humiliated him and only pissed him off more. And you could have gotten in trouble for it.”
Her concern for him sickens me. “You think I care about his ass getting kicked? Trust me. Once I kick a guy’s ass, it stays that way.”
“That’s very cute,” she informs me with a smirk. “But that’s not how life actually works. I would still have to face him in class, and we have our presentation coming up. How uncomfortable would that have been? Do you think he would have been able to deliver his part of the presentation while you were sitting there in the back of the room? The guy who kicked his ass in front of his friends?”
Sometimes, it’s like I’ve never really looked at her before. There’s so much more than meets the eye. “Are you saying you stopped us from fighting because it would’ve affected your grade?”
“No! I was thinking about how it would make him feel. And yeah, it would make me feel like shit, too. Guilty. Jittery.” She lowers her brow, and I swear I’m looking at her father right now. In some ways, they are too much alike. “And you’re conveniently ignoring the part where I said I didn’t want you to get into trouble.”
“Who says I would?”
“You mean to tell me he wouldn’t go straight to the cops? There were witnesses. And with a record like yours…”
It’s not easy hearing that without laughing. That’s what she’s worried about? “Who says I have a record?”
She can’t hide her surprise. “You don’t?”
“I never took a collar.”
“How is that even possible?”
“What the hell do you think I do for your father?” Her eyes drop to the countertop, which is all the answer I need. “If I got caught doing that, I wouldn’t be standing here with you right now. Would I?”
“But have you?”
I lift my chin, staring at her. Daring her to say it. “Have I done what?”
“Have you killed anybody? There. I said it. Happy?”
“Thrilled. Thanks so much.”
“Well?” I know better than to think she’s ever going to let this go. It was bound to come up eventually. She must’ve asked herself before now if I’ve ever gone that far.
That’s why I’m honest. No sense in lying. “Yes. I have. I have killed people.”
She gulps but takes it well. “To keep him safe?”
I nod, though it’s not as simple as that. “In his line of work, he makes a lot of enemies. And plenty of greedy people would do anything to get what he has. They don’t want to put the work in, though. They want to take it from him. And sometimes, they won’t listen to reason. It really is that simple.”
“Simple? There’s nothing simple about it.” She wraps her arms around herself. “You’re talking about taking people’s lives.”
“What would you rather have me do? Stand back and let them take his? Or yours?”