Chapter Thirty-Four
Ryker
An hour later, Ian burst into his room, not bothering to knock, and that was fine. He didn’t deserve privacy. He’d sacrificed any niceties the second he’d walked out on a sobbing Cosima.
“What the actual fuck is wrong with you?” Ian demanded, flaming hair sticking out at all angles, fire raging in his emerald eyes.
Ryker paced back and forth, feeling like a predator in a cage, wanting to lash out at whoever got close enough to feel his wrath. Ian happened to be the one stupid enough to come into the lion’s territory and Ryker was going to make him see what a huge fucking mistake this had been. All of it. Him playing alone with Cosima, him playing with her at all, her coming to live with them, the three of them thinking some idiotic brotherhood could survive the trials and tribulations of the real world and the vagaries of three very different hearts. Morons, the lot of them.
“You know what’s wrong. I told you I didn’t want her here but no, you and Hudson insisted because you always know better, don’t you?Don’t mind Ryker, he’s just fucked up.Well maybe I know my own self better than you fuckers do. You can’t leave well enough alone. You could’ve had her to yourselves and lived happily ever after, but no. You and Hudson always dragging me along even when I don’t want to be involved in shit. So yeah, I was the one whose hand slipped but you’re the ones who’re to blame. This is your fucking fault.”
“You’re such a stupid shit. A stupid and wrong-ass piece of shit. Do you wanna know what the first thing Coco said was when she calmed down from the shock?”
No, he didn’t want to know, because he had a suspicion and he didn’t need to feel any fucking worse than he already did.
“Is Ryker okay? Is he mad at me? Tell him I’m sorry.And you’re up here hiding because you can’t face your mistakes. As soon as you fucked up you left that little girl to deal with it by herself. She’s fine, by the way. Not that you asked, not that you care. Little antiseptic, band-aid, kiss it make it better, some cuddles, and she’ll be physically good as new. That’s all you had to do, you sonofabitch. I can’t believe you. After everything she’s been through, after all the work we’ve done with her, and you’re going to pull something like this? What the fuck?”
Ryker shoved his hands through his hair, feeling like everything was spinning out of control, like he was on the knife’s edge. Edge of what he couldn’t say for sure but fuck,fuck.
“You’re right. I fucked up. And she deserves better than that. Better than me. I offered to leave before and you didn’t take me up on it and I don’t know why not. But it’s not an offer this time. I’m just telling you. I’m leaving. We’ll get the business straightened out later but I have to get out of here now. Leave, Ian, I need to pack.”
“Ry—”
“No.” He wheeled on his partner, his best friend. A man who had saved his life more than once. None of that mattered right now. “No more discussion, no more pleading, and don’t you fucking dare touch me. Just get out.”
Ian held up his hands in surrender, his expression half pity and half disappointment as he walked backward toward the door.
“Fine. I’ll leave you alone, just like you always wanted. Let us know where you end up. I’ve gotta go look after a traumatized little girl who’s probably still asking where her Sir is, if you’re okay, and begging to be allowed to apologize to you. I love you, man, but you can be a real sack of shit sometimes.”
That felt like a punch to the solar plexus. Even the people who loved him didn’t like him very much. And why should they? He was an irresponsible sadistic bastard—what was to like?
Ian closed the door after himself, and Ryker stormed to his closet to yank his big duffel bag down from the top shelf. He needed to get out of here right the fuck now before he hurt anyone else.
* * *
Hudson
He’d finally gotten Cosy to settle down enough to take her bottle and as was so often the case, she fell asleep while he fed her the warm milky solution. Her face was still mottled and flushed from all her crying and he wanted to tuck her in and then go on a rampage. How fucking dare Ryker?
His partner was so much better than this. Had always been better than this, even his first forays back into kink after Abby had died. He’d always been responsible, if not a great fit for everyone he played with. It’s not like this was complicated. You didn’t abandon someone who had used their safeword. You just didn’t.
Cosy stirred slightly in his lap as Ian came back in, tip-toeing over the threshold of their room. He met Ian’s gaze, imploring.
Tell me he’s going to fix this. Tell me he panicked but he’s sorry and he’ll be here in a minute. Tell me he’s prepared to grovel as hard and for as long as it takes. Tell me he’s realized that he loves her.
The grim look on Ian’s face should’ve told him different, and the pinch-mouthed shake of his head confirmed it. That motherfucker.
Ian climbed onto the bed and settled next to him, peeking over at Cosy, smoothing a stray strand of hair off her forehead. She didn’t wake, didn’t move. Of course she was knocked out after today. Between the party and opening all her presents and then playing with Ryker and then—
Hudson felt his mouth pull into a grimace. Where were they supposed to go from here?
He hadn’t blinked an eye at all the marks Ryker had left on Cosy—except of course for the trickle of blood that had dribbled down her ribs to the crest of her hip. It wasn’t a lot. It wasn’t as though he’d slipped up during knife play and sliced an artery or something. Cosy hadn’t even realized she was bleeding until Ian had told her.
She’d just been so shocked by the sting of the whip on her ribcage—it fucking hurt and that’s not where she expected to be hit. Nor should she have been hit there. But she wasn’t angry.
He could be angry enough for everyone.
Although he’d be quietly seething so he wouldn’t wake her up. Poor thing needed to rest after all that emotional turmoil and she was going to be sore as hell tomorrow.