There was a shadow lingering in the doorway as well but it was gone before her vision came completely into focus.
“Cuddles, Daddy?”
“Of course.”
And then she was in her daddy’s lap, being cradled in his strong arms with his thick solid chest and his strong heartbeat beneath her ear.
“Can you have some water for Daddy?”
She nodded, opened her mouth and welcomed the feel of the plastic nipple pushed between her lips. Suckled on it gratefully because it was a comfort. Cosima rested against him, drinking, until the bottle was empty. When Daddy took it away, he and Papa were both looking at her.
“Feel better, Coco?”
“Yes, Papa,” she said, knowing her cheeks were turning pink. So embarrassing.
“Do you know what happened?” he pressed. Her face got even hotter as she plucked at the buttons on her daddy’s shirt.
“I got really scared and then I was breathing super fast and then I…”
Cosima wrenched her mouth to the side. She swore she’d never been such a drama queen before. The only reasons she ever fainted when she was with Master had been that he’d beaten her senseless or she’d gotten lightheaded from not having enough to eat or drink. And then he’d yell at her like it was her fault. Obviously none of those things were true in this situation.
“I’m sorry,” she muttered, mortified.
“Does going outside really scare you that much?” Ian asked gently, stroking her cheek with the back of his knuckles. “I thought you’d like it.”
“I haven’t really done that since…before. It’s a lot. I don’t know if I can.”
“I know you can, brave girl,” her Daddy chimed in, his chest rumbling with his words. “But I also know it needs to be something you’re ready to do. If you’re not ready, that’s okay. And if we need to take baby steps, that’s what we’ll do. You’re so strong and resilient sometimes it’s easy for me and Papa to forget that lots of things might be hard for you. We don’t really know what your life was like until you came to us so we don’t always know what’s going to be fine and what you might need more help with.”
That was true. She’d kept a lot of it from them, even now.
She was ashamed of what she’d allowed, of what Master had done to her. Deeply conflicted because she’d enjoyed some of it and it was hard to separate everything out.
“Maybe you just needed more time to prepare. Papa likes to jump into things with both feet and see what happens but maybe it feels better to you to have a plan?”
“Yes,” she agreed.
“I’m sorry I sprung that on you, Coco. I’ll try my best not to do any more bad surprises, promise.”
Ian offered her his pinky and she shook it with her own.
“But you have to make me a promise too, okay?”
“Anything, Papa.”
She loved the way his expression softened, his lopsided smile when he looked at her. Papa was so handsome and kind. Maybe impulsive sometimes but it wasn’t because he didn’t love her.
“Next time I say something that frightens you, I want you to tell me. You just say, ‘Papa, you dodo, that is too scary. What are you thinking?’”
Another laugh tried to escape but didn’t totally get out. He was so silly, her papa. “I’ll tell you. Probably not like that.”
“That’s fair.”
He offered her a thumbs up that she returned and then they bumped their fists together.
“So how about this? Tomorrow, after breakfast, we’ll get you dressed in some big girl clothes and we’ll go downstairs.”
“And then what?”