Chapter Eighteen
Cosima
Acouple weeks later, her daddy gave her a bath, Ian did two little pokey-pigtails with bows in her hair and they put a ruffly diaper cover and a soft, pretty purple dress on her before tucking her back into bed. She had a big pile of pillows behind her and Hopscotch at her side.
She also felt sick to her stomach.
Ian was sitting next to her on the big bed they had been sharing since she came to live with them, and patted her knee.
“You okay, Coco?”
She liked it when he called her Coco. Liked it when Hudson called her Cosy. Liked it when they addressed her in any way at all, really, because it was always “baby” or “sweetheart” or “teapot” or some other endearment. Made her heart go pitter-pat every single time.
“I’m nervous.”
“It’s been a long time since you were around people, huh?”
She nodded, shame heating her cheeks and tightening the knot in her stomach. Everyone kept telling her it wasn’t her fault, but wasn’t it? She could’ve run away. She could’ve asked for help. But if Judah hadn’t tossed her out like trash, she would probably still be with him. That wasn’t anything to be proud of.
“Well, these are about the nicest people you could meet. And Sable used to be so shy—she might be shy with you because it’s hard for her to meet new people as a little. But I thought you might be worried so I brought a few things down from the playroom for you girls to occupy yourselves with. It might be easier than just sitting here and staring at each other.”
“You did?”
“Sure did, little girl. Wanna see?”
She nodded. And she couldn’t wait to go back to the playroom and get to play in there. It was filled with the best things on earth.
Daddy said she could spend as much time in there as she liked when she was better but for now it was easier for him and Ian to take care of her down here. She wouldn’t want to be without her daddy or Ian so that seemed wise.
She’d thought about asking if she could have her playdate in the playroom today but she couldn’t sit on the floor for long yet and she got cold and tired so easily still. That was probably why Daddy had said they’d have their playdate in here this time. He always took such good care of her.
Ian reached under the bed and came up with a caddy full of crayons, a stack of coloring books, and Battleship.
“Sabes likes to color and there are some fresh glitter crayons in here,” he said, pointing to one of the compartments of the caddy. “And she loves board games. We have other ones if you girls want to play something else, but I thought Battleship would be good since you can hold it on your laps.”
Ian had done this for her? He thought she might be uncomfortable trying to fill the silence because she had no idea what to talk to people about, so he’d fixed the problem by bringing some things Sable would enjoy and she’d have fun with too.
There was so much warmth and joy in her that she couldn’t express it while just sitting here with her hands folded in her lap. Cosima turned and knelt as well as she could to wrap her arms around Ian’s neck, and pressed her lips to the freckled skin above his scruff.
“Thank you, Ian.”
He hugged her back with those strong, lanky arms of his. Well, not lanky, but compared to Hudson everyone else looked and felt like a stick. Except Ian’s hug wasn’t lacking in any way. It made her feel safe and special and—even if he was only fond of her—loved.
Ian patted her diapered bottom and then shifted her so she was in his lap. That was one of her favorite places to be. She could live on Hudson’s lap, or cuddled against Ian. She wished she was a little sloth so she could hang around their necks and go everywhere with them, all day, forever.
“Coco, I…I had something I wanted to ask you.”
“Me?”
Cosima didn’t know why that was surprising. Ian and Hudson asked her lots of questions. Sometimes so many she felt overwhelmed and all the decisions she had to make made her head hurt and made it hard to breathe.
She knew they were trying to find a balance between not putting too much on her but still letting her have control, but she’d had so little say in anything for such a long time almost any choice was too much. Hopefully he wasn’t going to ask her to decide about lunch or anything. That would be too much when her mind was already overtaxed with visitors coming today—she couldn’t deal with anything else.
“Yes, you, silly girl. I was wondering—and you don’t have to decide right now—but…”
His ginger brows creased and his green eyes flashed as he looked at her. Was he nervous? She’d never seen Ian nervous before.
“I know Hudson is your daddy, and we haven’t known each other very long. And it could be I’m reading this all wrong, but…I love you, Coco. I love how tough but how soft you are. I love how brave you are. I love spoon-feeding you and changing your diaper and dressing you up and doing your hair. When you’re better, I suspect I’m going to love spanking your little bottom. I want you to stay and I want you to be ours, and I want to be your Papa. Would you like that?”