“I knew what I was doing and I’m trying not to—I won’t allow myself to feel ashamed,” I say firmly.
“Good.” He takes both my hands in his. “But we both already acknowledged, this will take time. Neither of us can ignore all we have been.” I give a small nod. “We’ll go slower.”
“I’m sorry.”
Ruvan catches my chin and brings my eyes to his. I can still faintly smell myself on his fingers and that has me fighting a flush. It reminds me of the passion he filled me with.
“You have nothing to apologize for.” He smiles, eyes shining in the early sunlight. “Are you hungry?”
I blink at the change in conversation, though it’s not unwelcome. “I’m actually not. Which is odd.” I glance back to the forge. I’ve been hammering away for the better part of an hour now and didn’t eat much last night.
“Not really.”
“Oh?”
“When King Solos made the blood lore, he sought to strengthen the bodies of the vampir. By adding onto our blood time and again with the power of others, until we could subsist completely off what few things we could grow, hunt, and forage in the mountains of our lands.”
“But I’m not—”
He interrupts me with a knowing smile. I don’t even have to say, a vampir. “Your blood has been marked with mine; some of the fortifications I have extend now to you.”
Marked.
I am marked by him. Even long after our bloodsworn comes to an end and the curse is broken, all experiences—all we are—remains on our blood. But what will it mean when we end the curse… When. I will it into the world.
What happens after for Ruvan and me?
I don’t know. That’s a question I’m not ready to search for the answer to. I have enough I’m trying to sort through as it is.
Ruvan releases my hands. “Your metal is glowing white. I’ll give you some space and leave you to it.”
“You don’t have to,” I say before he can leave.
“Are you sure? If you need time—”
“I’ll tell you what I need.” I try and offer him a reassuring smile. “Assuming I know it.”
“We’re both figuring this out as we go,” he agrees.
“Oh, speaking of figuring things out as I go, I have something I want to share with you. I found it yesterday—two days ago? Before you fell ill.” Time is blurring together with all that’s happened and how little sleep I seem to need now. “It’s back here…” As I move, opening the door to the blacksmith’s office and retrieving the ledger and my dagger, I tell him of my discovery and experimentations. When I finish, the dagger and ledger are on one of the tables between us.
“Incredible,” Ruvan whispers.
“You really think so?” I ask uncertainly. “Even though it might have drawn power from me and put you in that state?”
“I’m fine, and this discovery is more than worth any pain I must experience.” With a few words, he alleviates all my guilt.
“What do you think it does?” I ask.
“I don’t know…but I know someone who might.” Ruvan straightens away from the table and starts out of the forge. I already know who he’s going to retrieve, so rather than calling after him, I seize the opportunity to appreciate him walking away. Then, wearing a smile I don’t bother fighting, I turn back to the forge with renewed purpose.