I have to go to know.
Words I said to him that I didn’t know got through echo back to me. He listened. Time and time again. That man is imperfect and stinted. He can be cruel and cold. But he’s willing to try and hear me. Somehow, he heard things I didn’t even know I was saying. He listened…and I didn’t do the same.
Our interactions flash across my mind. His looks, his touches, even in front of others. The way he held me in the night. The way our magic resonated together. The promises he made me.
Eldas, what do you feel for me?My question echoes back and now I can see between the lines. He loves you more than anything, you idiot.
“Luella.” My mother’s gentle voice startles me back to the present. “The one thing that has always been most important to your father and me has been your happiness. Where will you be most happy?”
“Will everything be okay?” I don’t just mean with them, or here in Capton, without me. I want her to tell me everything will be all right.
“I know you. You’ll make it okay if it’s not.” She gives my hand a squeeze.
“If I go back…if they’ll have me…I’ll become more a part of that world than this one.”
“But you can still visit from time to time?” she asks. I nod. “Then how is it different from what any parent endures? Children are meant to grow and live their own lives. If you want to, Luella, go.”
“Even if I wanted to go back…I can’t.” Panic is rising in me. I should have asked for a way back. Why didn’t I find a reason to ask Eldas to give me his blessing to return?
“Why not?”
“Because the only one who can traverse the Fade—or give others the ability to—is Eldas himself.” Even as the Human Queen, I couldn’t find my way out of the Fade when I tried to run away. I was lost, turned around, hopeless until he came to rescue me. “The two times I passed through were either with the blessing of his magic, or with him as a guide.”
A guide. Rinni had said I had a guide through the Fade. Hook. Rinni meant Hook.
“Wait,” I whisper to the horizon. “I can get back.”
My mother smiles as if she’s known the whole time. “Then what’re you waiting for?”
“But—”
“Go,” she insists a final time. “Go and be happy.”
* * *
My heart thrumsin my ears so loudly it nearly drowns out my parents’ voices downstairs as I’m packing a bag. Mother takes charge on explaining things to my father. I strain my ears, listening for his reaction. His soft voice rumbles up to me, but I can’t make out what he says. By the time I walk downstairs, satchel over my shoulder, he has a weary but genuine-looking smile.
They wish me well and hold me so tightly my bones pop. I tell them that I might be back in ten minutes. But it’s also possible I’m not back for a week, a month, or a year. I’ve no idea what changes my return may cause in Midscape. I’ve no idea if Eldas will even let me stay, or if the coronation will make me one with that world to the point that I can’t return. The magic has changed, and I’m gambling with the results.
For the first time in my life, I’m acting without a plan and without a duty to guide me. All I’m listening to is that frantic beating of my heart.
I now stand at the edge of the Fade once more. I’m risking everything here. But what else is new?
I take a deep breath and step into the Fade; a finger of ice runs down my spine. Bringing my fingers to my lips, I let out a whistle that echoes in the unnatural silence.
“Hook?” I call and call again. Just when I’m about to give up, Hook’s golden eyes blink at me from the darkness. “Hook!” He bounds over to me and I fall to my knees. The wolf licks my face and I waste no time. “I need to get back. I need to get to Eldas. Can you take me there?”
Much like the first time in the Fade, Hook tilts his head left and right before finally stepping away. He trudges off into the darkness and I gather my strength to follow behind, hoping he’s not going to lead me back to a keystone. The moment I see soft moonlight yawning into the mouth of a cave, I begin running.
Hook bounds at my side with a happy bark. I give him a grin and he seems to almost skip around me. Welcome back! his movements seem to say.
I skid to a stop and overlook Quinnar. The spring air is warm now, even at night, and is almost sticky compared to the chill of the Fade. Flowers hang on the breeze, rustling on the trees. They complement the streamers and pennons that have been splashed across the city.
Music soars through the air. People are in the streets, dancing, laughing, and drinking. Sparks of magic are flung about and I see paper beasts and birds come to life and rejoice among the revelers. I smell the cakes Rinni and I tasted. I see acrobats spinning on hoops suspended impossibly midair over the lake.
I see a city in celebration—as if they somehow knew I was about to return. The world I first saw as dead and gray is now in full bloom. It’s magical, and looks like something I could call home.
Hook’s warm muzzle presses into my hand and I crouch down to scratch him behind the ears. “Thank you for leading me through the Fade. Go off and play, I don’t want attention right now.” He whines. “I’ll whistle for you again,” I promise.