No matter what, I won’t survive becoming the Human Queen intact.
“I had an idea of something I’d like to do for you—something that might help you.”
“What is it?” I shift to face him. It places me a half step closer. My attention drifts toward his lips. I can think of several things I’d like for him to do to “help” me.
His every touch these past few weeks has been agony. Agony because my skin is ablaze from the redwood throne. Agony because I can feel him holding back coupled with the stinging memory of his kiss. I can feel him shying from whatever it is growing between us.
“My brother, Drestin, his wife is with child,” he says awkwardly.
“Oh, congratulations.” I try not to let my surprise at this sudden revelation, and shift in tone, diminish my sincerity. This wasn’t where I was hoping things were headed.
“Yes, he’s very excited.” The ghost of a smile crosses Eldas’s mouth. Longing taints any sweetness there is to it. I wonder if he’s imagining himself as a father-to-be. “In any event, his wife will come to term right around the coronation. Naturally, they won’t be coming.”
“Understandable.”
“Yes, and as the brother of the king, he has leeway in such matters that other lords may not be given.” I resist the urge to say that any lord should be allowed to be home for the birth of his child. Luckily, Eldas continues before I risk insulting his people and their ways. “But he has offered to host us at Westwatch before the coronation. It’s his way of an apology, and trying to endear himself to the new queen.” Eldas glances at me. “I haven’t told him that you will be gone soon.”
Don’t look at me with such longing, I want to beg. I can already hear the stress fractures forming in my heart. They crackle like ice too thin. They crackle like the feelings he wove in me without me realizing.
“You think I’ll actually manage to do it?” I run my finger along the spine of the journal.
“If anyone can, it’s you,” Eldas says softly, his voice deep with emotion. “And you’re right in that it must be done. The queen’s power is diminishing… I cannot take another day of you dying before my eyes. The cycle must end and you have to leave.”
My breath catches in my throat. He worries for me. He’s doubled down on his support of my mission to end the cycle. Yet the way he says those words, almost expectant, almost waiting to see if I contradict him—like there’s some way out of this that will allow me to stay…
A voice whispers in the back of my mind, This is what you wanted, isn’t it?
Well, Luella, is it?
“In any case, I don’t have a good reason to reject my brother,” Eldas continues in the wake of my silence.
“Will the throne be all right if I leave?”
“We’ll charge it once more before we depart,” he answers solemnly. “But regardless of Midscape’s situation, you need a break from it. You won’t be effective if you keep pushing like this.”
I can’t argue. Just like I still can’t bring my eyes to his. “I’ll pack my things. When do we leave?”
“In a week.” One week more to work, then we travel for who knows how long. Another week, maybe? That will only leave me about two more weeks before the coronation and my deal with Eldas running out. “Unless…”
“Unless?” I look to him and he seems startled by my sudden eagerness.
“Unless you and I leave a little early,” he says gingerly, eyes searching.
“Where would we go?”
“There’s something I think you would enjoy and that should rejuvenate you.”
“Is that all you’ll tell me?”
“Yes, I think so.” The corners of his lips are pulled into a smile. “I was denied showing you my castle. Willow beat me to sharing the conservatory with you.” I resist informing him that he could’ve shown me the castle at any point in those early days. But things between us were different then. It’s astounding how much they changed in a handful of weeks. “I would like to share this with you.”
His fingertips trail lightly from my shoulder to my elbow, resting there as he waits for my response. I shiver, but not from the cold. Suddenly I’m burning. I realize I want that lazy touch of his everywhere. I want his icy fingers on my arms, my legs, my stomach…
“Yes.” The word is almost a croak. My tongue has gone heavy and useless. “I would like to see this surprise.”
His face lights up brighter than the dawn rising on his cheeks the morning he stayed on my settee. “Then we will leave in the morning.”
“In the morning? That soon?”
“It’ll take about a day to get there. And then another day out to Westwatch.” Eldas steps away, starting for the door with almost giddy strides. My chest bubbles at the sight of him like this—knowing that I had a part in making him so happy. “And I think you’ll want to spend more than a night there.”
“All right.” I can’t help but laugh. “I’ll pack my things tonight.”
“And I will see you at first light.”