She didn’t look up at me as I cleared my throat.
“I was worried where you went,” I said, feeling the wall she was erecting between us already starting to grow. She looked wide eyed, and a little scared of what she was seeing.
“You shouldn’t be in here,” I added in a soft voice.
“I know. I’m sorry,” she said. “I wasn’t snooping. I was looking for the restroom.”
It didn’t enter my head that she’d been snooping at all. “It’s okay, Jessica.”
She hugged her knees to her chest as she continued to sit on the bed. She still hadn’t looked at me and I wondered what was going through her head.
Finally, she asked, “What is this room?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer that question, not without opening her up to a whole new world she wasn’t ready to experience. And there was also the fear of her opinion of me changing, that she’d see me as a sexual deviant, and not in a good way.
I wanted to sit with her, but I stayed standing, not wanting to freak her out even more. “It’s… difficult to explain.”
She finally gave me her eyes and I didn’t like the upset look on her face. “Try. Please.”
Her gaze shifted to the x-shaped cross in the corner. It had padded manacles hanging from the top and bottom that were used to secure someone to. I’d had a lot of good times with that device and various play partners.
An image of Jessica with her arms stretched over her head and her legs spread out made my cock twitch in my sweatpants. Now was not an appropriate time to get a hard on, but she brought that out in me. She made me want things I didn’t know I could have with her.
“I have certain… needs.” It was one way of putting it.
“What kind of needs?” she pressed when I stopped there.
I exhaled a deep breath and opted for flat-out honesty. “I like to dominate my partners. I like to play with them.”
Jessica’s eyes grew a bit wider as she glanced around the room once again. “Is that what this room is? A room for playing sexual games?”
“Yes. I know things might look . . . scary, but everything in here is designed to bring pleasure, Jessica.”
She lifted her chin in the direction of the rack containing various floggers and canes. My eyes followed her line of sight. “Even those?”
A small smile touched my mouth. “You’d be surprised how good it can feel. There’s something about having your control taken from you, of having someone mix pleasure with pain, which releases all sorts of pleasurable endorphins.”
“You’d spank me with those things?” she asked incredulously.
Fuck. I would gladly pull her pants down right now and redden her ass if she asked for it. She wasn’t going to though. Jessica looked like she was barely keeping her shit together.
“If you consented to it, yes. Everything that happens in this room is done with permission and a high level of trust.” I let her take that in.
She narrowed her gaze at me. “Why would I consent to you hurting me?”
“It’s not about causing pain, Jessica, or deliberately causing you harm. I know from the outside looking in it can seem like an imbalance, like abuse even, but it’s neither of those things. I can only do to a partner what she allows. If something is off the table, it’s called a hard limit and I respect that. I would never do anything that wasn’t agreed to. It’s a mutual understanding between two parties. The person receiving the punishment has to be comfortable.”
“How can being smacked with a cane be comfortable?” Her voice rose in pitch.
“It’s hard to explain,” I said, shoving my hand through my hair.
“Please try because I’m struggling here, Donovan.”
So, I did. “There’s a thin line between pleasure and pain, but as a dominant I’d never give a woman anything she couldn’t handle mentally, emotionally, or physically. And that pain . . . well, it has a way of morphing into what is called subspace, which is the ultimate peak of pleasure.”
I risked moving to sit next to her. She didn’t pull away or run, which I took as a good sign. She was teetering on the edge right now and I needed to be careful not to push her over it. I knew this room was a lot to take in. I was a lot, too. She’d only ever viewed me as her boss. Now, she was glimpsing behind the veil that kept my true desires hidden.
I swallowed hard, nervous energy moving through me. This could be the end of this thing between us before it even had a chance to begin. I didn’t want that to happen. I wanted to build on what we’d started, but that choice was out of my hands and sat firmly in Jessica’s.