I pushed my hand into my pocket and felt the crinkle of paper. It reminded me I still had one move left. I pulled out the bus ticket Nonna had tossed at me and eyed the final destination.
Rome.
At five a.m. I jolted awake. I could hear voices from down below. With a great effort, I moved across the room and stepped out onto the balcony.
“I want an army of soldiers protecting this property by daylight.” Nonna’s commanding voice came to me as she ordered Abramo. He held her car door open as she continued to speak. “I want to know Elio’s every move. I can’t have him slipping back to that woman!”
I pulled myself back against the doorframe and folded my arms tight to hold myself together as I watched her get inside the car. The engine roared to life a moment later, and they were gone. I knew that was my cue to leave. Just as I was about to step back inside, I caught sight of Elio’s shoulder as he stood under the balcony.
“Son, you can’t leave,” Andrea pleaded with him. “We need to figure this out.”
“Mama, I need you—” He stopped abruptly and cleared his throat as a warning that someone had come up on them. “Mama, give me until mid-morning, and we can discuss things then, all right?”
“What about—”
“Don’t,” he warned and stepped away. Then he, Niccola, Vinni, and Francesco headed to the town car and flew out of the driveway and down the hill.
With a deep breath, I made my way over to the desk, found some paper, and started to write.
Dearest Elio and Capris,
As a little girl, I dreamt of having a place I could call home, a room that was just for me, and parents who would tuck me in, kiss me goodnight, and chase the monsters away.
Then one day I met you by the pond. You earned my trust and slowly became my friend. You taught me what it meant to share life experiences, and I eagerly awaited each note you would leave for me tucked in the trunk of a tree. As the years went on, I fell totally in love with you and let my guard down enough to finally meet your family.
I never thought I would ever be so accepted by anyone, let alone complete strangers, and to feel their warmth and love was overpowering. I’ll admit I was nervous at first. Who could blame me? It was my first interaction with people who were so obviously happy and wanted to share it with me. You brought me that.
Then just as I became comfortable and felt a sense of belonging, my entire world disappeared. Nothing was left of you but a picture and a broken heart.
The only way I could cope with my loss was to put you in a box and seal it up tight in the fear that, over the years, if I slipped in a moment of weakness and thought of you, I wouldn’t be damaged.
Moving on was the hardest thing I’d ever done.
Then life brought you back into my world.
I was tested, and I failed.
You chewed me up, swallowed me down, and spat me back out.
I thought I was doing everything right.
I thought my loyalty was enough.
I thought I was enough.
I never asked for this. I am not this.
But I know as I’m sitting here writing these words that this is it for us.
This is where we are supposed to say goodbye.
I can’t—won’t go through that again.
Instead, I will go.
Thank you for my memories. They will always remind me of what family should mean.
I’ll be all right and will do what I do best—survive.