Years of painful memories rushed to the surface, and I knew it was time to open the forbidden door that had been under lock and key, guarded by what was left of my soul.
“Tell me something, Elio.” I turned to face him dead-on. “If the one person you trusted with your entire heart used your worst fear against you, would you be as understanding as you want me to be?” I tried to push away the vague memory I had of my mother’s back to me. He closed his eyes, and I slowly turned back to the photos on the wall. Each happy face secretly nipped at my core. The Capris welcomed me into their lives and made me one of their own and just as quickly disappeared without a trace. “I didn’t think so.”
“I never wanted to abandon you.”
“But you did. Any way you spin it, I was left in the dust with only memories that over the years made me question if you were even real.”
“You think it was easy on me? You don’t—”
“No,” I cut him off, “at least you knew why you left me, and you had people to lean on.” Tears burned painful paths down my face. “While I cried for years, wondering what I did wrong to make you leave me.”
“No, Sienna.” The heartache written on his face told me I was getting through to him. Good. “You did nothing wrong.”
“Don’t.” I put more distance between us, and his eyes narrowed in on me. “Unless you can tell me the true reason for leaving.” He opened his mouth but snapped it shut, and so did the door to my heart. “Right.” I shook my head as I walked by him. “We’re finished here.”
“Like hell we are.” He snagged my arm and held me close. “Answer me this, Sienna.” His jaw flexed, and his pupils dilated. My chest fought to keep up with my lungs. “Has anyone ever made you feel whole or right again?”
When I didn’t answer, he finally broke eye contact, and I sagged in his hold.
“I just need to let go,” I said, more to myself, and felt my temper lash out. “Maybe Mariano can do that for me.” I instantly regretted the words as they leapt from my tongue. I hated that I wanted him to hurt as much as I did. I didn’t even want Mariano.
“He’s too selfish.” He waved off my comment, which ignited the flames inside me.
“Selfish!” I nearly screamed. “Selfish like leaving without even a note. You broke every single piece of my soul, Elio. God!” I pulled back, feeling my words wash over me. “I’m dust inside, empty, and hollow.” I wailed my pain. “Do you get that? I’m broken, and I hate that I was weak enough to let a man do that to me. Christ, I’m only human…or at least I was.”
He stormed up in front of me, his hands clasping and unclasping at his sides.
“Well, if I broke it,” he boomed, “then I’m theonlyone who can mend it!” His growl echoed across the marble floor just as his mother stepped into the room.
“Elio,” she said calmly, “your father needs you.”
His shoulders lowered as his intensity slowly subsided. He turned on his heel and left the room.
I wrapped my arms around my stomach and turned away from Andrea.
Her heels clicked as she approached, and I gave in and flew into her arms.
“There’s so much more you need to know, dear, but for now, understand it wasn’t his choice to make. We grabbed the few things that meant the most to us and left.”
I sobbed harder, not having the energy to express how much her words just tipped me over the edge.
“Come on, sweet girl.” She walked me out of the room and away from everyone else and up the stairs. “Let’s give you some privacy.”
She led me to a bedroom that looked over the winery, and as I tucked into a ball on the big, cushioned window seat and stared out the window, the weight of it all exhausted me. She snuggled up next to me and started to run her fingers through my hair.
“Tonight, it’s just you and me, Sienna,” she whispered in her motherly voice. “Get all your tears out. You’ll feel so much better when the sun comes up.”
“I feel like,” I tried to speak calmly, but it took a great amount of effort, “life is punishing me for something, Andrea. What did I do wrong? Am I a bad person and don’t know it?”
“No way, and you did nothing wrong.” She tried to soothe me.
“Then why is it, when I finally let my guard down after all these years and attempted to let someone in,heshows up.” I pulled myself into a smaller ball, hoping I would disappear.
“Maybe it was for a reason.” She brushed my hair back and with her other hand pulled a soft quilt over me. “Maybe someone somewhere knew I needed my daughter back.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling how much I needed her to say that.
She kissed my head and let me cry my heart out until my fight with my heavy eyelids won, and she leaned down and whispered, “Do you still love Elio?”