Opening my eyes, I turned to him and nodded. “I do want to.”
“All right. Let’s see if this kiddo is feeling cooperative,” Dr. Feuerstein said. He moved the wand to a different spot on my belly, pressing firmly. “Ah, you’ve got a showboat.”
He pointed out the legs, splayed wide, and the three lines between them, indicating we were having a girl.
“Are you sure?” Mo asked.
“With this type of ultrasound and the clear view we were able to get, yes, I am sure. You have a developing, healthy baby girl. Congratulations.” He gave me a few paper towels, handed Mo a stack of printed pictures, asked if we had any more questions, then left.
That was it. Two weeks of waiting, and we were finished in less than an hour. My movements were stilted as I wiped the gel from my stomach and attempted to right my clothing.
“Let me help,” Mo said gently. He held my hands and pulled me up from the bed, then rolled my maternity jeans into position and smoothed my shirt over my bump.
His tenderness broke me, and wave after wave of tremors shook me. Mo held me through my teeth chattering and muscles trembling, whispering sweet things about what a good mama I was, how much he loved the papaya, our little girl, how happy he was she looked like me. I nodded along with each point, agreeing—although, a little girl who looked like him would be just as sweet—and cried.
“It’s okay, Mic. I’ve got you. I’ve got you,” he murmured against my hair. He let me fall apart in his arms and made me feel safe being vulnerable. Vulnerability did not come naturally to me, so this moment was pretty damn huge for me—for us.
I finally pulled myself together enough to walk out of there, but not enough to talk. And Mo didn’t expect me to. He let me burrow under his arm and held me close all the way to the car. Once we were both in, we didn’t move. We sat in the quietly humming car, cool air blowing on my face from the vents.
“We have to call everyone,” I said.
He reached across the console and picked up my hand, threading our fingers together.
“We will.”
I turned my head toward him. “Are you okay?”
Leaning against the headrest, he let out a long exhale. “That was a roller coaster. The end was so fucking great, but it didn’t wipe out the part in the middle where we were flipped upside down so many times, I got whiplash. I’m still achy from it.”
“That’s an apt description.” I brought our joined hands to my chest. “You know what Rosa told me? She said this is only the beginning of being afraid. Our kid will get hurt, sick, we’ll worry about their development and grades. We’ll be scared of making the wrong choices and being their number one topic in their future therapy sessions.”
Mo snorted. “Well, that...didn’t help at all.”
I laughed. “No, it didn’t help. Then she reminded me with anything you love and want badly, there’s always fear—fear it’ll go wrong or be taken away. But we do it anyway, we love anyway. I’m still learning that lesson, but I thought I’d pass it on.”
He laughed with me. “I’m happy, Mic. I mean, a girl? Damn. Should I repaint her room pink?”
“No way.” I hid my smile by biting his knuckles. “Yellow all the way. Besides, she can’t be picky since she’s basically going to be living in my closet for a while when she’s not with you.”
He squeezed my hand, then shifted his entire body to face me. “Come live with me. I don’t want to miss anything. I know you’re not sure about being with me, but hell, take a guest room. I’d really like it if we could be in the same place when she comes.”
My mouth opened, then closed. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t contemplated our living arrangements, but I wasn’t ready to give him an answer. At the same time, I didn’t want to say no.
Before I could decide what to say, my phone started ringing, blaring my mother’s ringtone. She’d recorded herself singing my name, because she was Gabby Ellis and that was what she did.
“I’d better answer. She’s probably going crazy waiting to find out the results.”
I put my phone to my ear, and Mo gave me a long look, mouthing, “We’re not finished.” I nodded. I knew we weren’t.
My mom exploded with joy when I broke the news, and Mo drove us home.