Michaela moved around her small kitchen, and my eyes followed. I couldn’t seem to take them off her. Watching her fill a glass with water and take out a bag of cookies was fascinating. Her body had barely changed, but now that I knew what to look for, it was so damn obvious. How had I not seen it last night?
High. Drunk. Stupid. Got it.
As she ate a cookie, her eyes landed on the envelope I’d dropped in the kitchen. She raised her head, eyebrows up. “Are these our divorce papers? Did you finally sign?”
The excitement lacing her questions had me shooting to my feet and snatching it up. “Nope. We’re not talking about that today. I gotta wrap my head around the baby. Can’t think about anything else.”
I took a cookie from the bag and shoved it in my mouth, surprised when the flavor hit my tongue. “Gingersnaps?”
“Yes.” She bit her own cookie. “They’re the one thing I’ve been craving.”
“Are you okay? I mean, feeling okay? I’m sure your head’s gotta be fucked up.”
“I’m fine. My boobs are crazy sensitive and I pass out by ten, but I still feel pretty normal.” She turned to the side, leaning her hip on the counter. “My head isn’t fucked up. There’s a lot to consider, and my life is going to change in a big way…which, yeah, is scary, but I’ve had a couple weeks to ease into this.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t hear much beyond your boobs being sensitive. Let’s discuss that.” I would’ve regretted saying it, but Michaela laughed and gave my arm a shove, so I figured she didn’t mind it too much.
“That’s how I ended up taking the pregnancy test. Ansel gave me a big hug, and I thought I was going to die from the pain. Thank god Rosa was there, forcing me to pee on a stick, or I might’ve ended up on one of those shows where the woman goes to the hospital thinking she has kidney stones and gives birth to a nine-pound baby.”
I glanced down at the roundness of her stomach, my hands now twitching to hold her there. “I don’t think you could have denied that for very long.”
“I don’t know. A brain’s defense mechanisms are pretty strong. When it’s easier to believe the opposite of the truth, we can convince ourselves of it.”
Michaela sounded so cool, collected, mature. Meanwhile, my brain was on fire. Jokes weremydefense mechanism, but I was fresh out of funny. Inside, I was half heartbroken, disappointed, still fucking angry, and the other half elated, terrified, so fucking confused.
My fight or flight instinct had kicked in, but there was nothing to fight. It was only me and this beautiful woman with my kid in her belly. I couldn’t reconcile how I could be so angry with her for not wanting to be my wife after what we shared with the almost overwhelming need I had to gather her in my arms and keep all my promises to her.
I stole another cookie and bit into it. It tasted like cardboard. “Can I...will you hate me if I leave? I need to leave for a while.”
Michaela shut down in an instant, crossing her arms beneath her breasts. “Sure. Leave.”
“I’m gonna come back. I just need some time.” I scratched the back of my neck. “Is it okay if I tell Yael?”
“Yes, of course. I’d rather you not, you know, put out a press release, but you can tell whoever you think should know. It’s your baby, if you want this.”
Whatever headway I’d made in her esteem had been destroyed. And I got that. But I needed to leave before I said more stupid shit.
“Okay.” I bowed my head, rightly pretty damn ashamed of myself. “I’ll text, but you can text or call if you need anything.”
She huffed. “Sure.” Something in her tone made me want to pause, but the panic in my bones propelled me out of her little house.
This time, I made my way around the pool, finding a path next to the main house. I was almost back to my car when a heavy hand came down on my shoulder.
“Wait up. Let’s talk.”
I turned to look up at the giant man I now knew was Michaela’s brother. The family resemblance had kicked in now that I knew who he was.
They both had the same angular jaws, although Ansel’s looked like it had been molded from dinosaur bones, while Michaela’s was delicate and feminine. They also shared eye shape, and if Ansel ever smiled in my vicinity, I suspected I’d see similarities there too.
Their frowns weren’t too unalike either. Although, Ansel’s had murder in it.
“Hey.” I stuck out my hand, and he shook it with brute force before crossing his tree-trunk arms over his boulder chest.
“Listen, I don’t know how you left things with my sister, but I’ve really got to do the big brother thing here. If you hurt her, I won’t be happy. But if you mess up this baby’s life—”
“I won’t,” I interjected.
He held up one broad hand. “Let me say my piece. Michaela and I are tight. If you’re not going to be around, our family will be here, helping her at every step. The kid won’t want for anything, attention, love, time. That’s how we do. But I’ve got four kids of my own, so I know what it means to be a dad. It’s a big deal, man. You cannot be halfway in, or you will screw up this kid.”