“Didn’t you promise not to make it weird?”
He smirked, but didn’t move, didn’t sway even a centimeter as he waited. “It’s just a question. Are we not talking about what happened last night?”
“Does it really need to be discussed? And yes. Every time I move.”
That wiped the smirk right off his face. The downside was, it was replaced by fiery heat, which my body responded to like an on switch. An unfortunate turn of events if there ever was one.
“Maeve…”
I shook my fork at him. “Don’t look at me like that. That’s not happenin’ again, as good as it was.”
He shot me with a flirty brow lift, and I nearly jabbed his hand with my fork in retaliation.
“More than good.”
I held back a shudder. His voice had gotten deeper, huskier. It spilled over my skin like dripping wax. “Itwasmore than good. But that doesn’t mean it needs to happen again. We can’t be friends and bandmates and have sex on the side. It won’t work.”
He gave me a hard stare, full of meaning I couldn’t decipher. “I agree.”
“It’s settled then. Friends, bandmates, no sex.”
Same hard stare, same indecipherable look. If heweremy boyfriend, this would drive me nuts, which only solidified my resolve that anything further between us would be a terrible idea.
“Can I ask a question?”
He nodded, his hands clasped under his chin as he gave me his undivided attention. “Go ahead.”
Taking a deep breath, I dove in. “Five years ago—” he leaned back in his chair, eyelids lowering, “—I get why you didn’t want me to drop everything to follow y’all around the country, and I thank you for that. I was young and dumb and you tellin’ me no was exactly what I needed. What I’ve never been able to understand was why you were so damn cruel. Why did you look at me like I disgusted you? Even if you weren’t into me...couldn’t you have just said that?”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know you are. But I still want an explanation. The way you looked at me, what you said...that’s been runnin’ through my mind for five years. After last night, I’m not sure what to think anymore.”
Sighing, he ran a hand through his messy hair and turned toward the window. “That was me panicking and making a shitty, hurtful decision. I don’t regret that what I did got you away from your parents and out of that town—not for a second—but making you feel like there was something wrong with you? Nah, baby girl. I never thought that, not for a second.”
A jagged piece of me that had come loose that night clicked back into place.
“Why’d you panic?” I asked.
He turned back to me, still unreadable. “You were going to throw it all away—on me. You had yourself convinced it would be worth it. This...this panic, this need to save you, took over. I guess I thought I was being cruel to be kind. If you had kissed me one more time, I knew I wouldn’t have pushed you away again. I didn’t have that kind of willpower in me. Not with you.”
I blinked. Blinked again. And I was the one to look away. That wasn’t what I’d expected.
“Maeve.” My name had never sounded so much like a plea. “Look at me.”
I did. He still had some sort of power over me. He could drive me away and just as easily pull me back in. “I’m not sure how I’m feelin’ right now.”
“Does it matter what I think anymore?” he asked.
“Maybe. No. I don’t know. Things I thought were true aren’t. I’m all muddled and my skin is creepy crawlin’ like someone walked over my grave.”
That probably didn’t make sense. But to know one thing for sure for five years and then to have it flipped on its head was disconcerting. It made me look back and wonder what else I’d been wrong about.
“Let’s get outta here, walk around. I have more to say, but you gotta let me know if you want to hear it.” Santiago wadded up his paper napkin and threw it down on his empty plate. My tortilla was only half-eaten, but I wouldn’t be able to eat it now anyway.
He stood and held his hand out to me. I allowed him to help me up, but took my hand back once he had. I had no idea if his intentions were to keep hold of it, but I wasn’t giving him the opportunity.
We wandered in contemplative silence—at least, it was contemplative on my part—before we found a square filled with tourists and pigeons. A busker played the Spanish guitar nearby, filling the air with a lovely sound.