It was hard to sit there without screaming. My first instinct was to pack my bags and run back to my shitty apartment. Texting withtheex was a crossed boundary I would not abide. He was either all in with me or he wasn’t. If he was still looking back on her, wanting to talk to her even when he had me, then he didn’t really want me. That was gutting. After everything, the battles we went through to finally be together, he might still want someone else.
But I told myself to wait. To see if he’d say anything. I promised him I’d give him a chance when he screwed up, so I was giving him that chance.
It killed me that I had to do it.
I sat there on that couch with him for another hour until I had to tap out. Telling him I was tired, I trudged into the bedroom, changed into my pajamas, and locked myself in the bathroom.
I heard Adam shuffling around the bedroom, but I took my time coming out. When I did, I found him reclined against the headboard, cupping his phone.
I climbed into bed beside him, curling up on my side under the blankets, facing the wall.
“Tired?” he asked.
“Really tired.”
He tugged on my shoulder until I rolled to my back. “Before you go to sleep, I wanted to talk to you about something real quick.”
“Oh?” My pulse thundered in my ears.
“Yeah. I got a text tonight from Molly, my ex.”As if he had to explain who she was to me.
“I didn’t know you were in touch.”
“That’s the thing. We aren’t. When I saw her last Christmas, I got her number from my mom. I don’t know, I had all these unanswered questions. Mostly about what kind of boyfriend I was. I wanted to know if I’d been shitty to her, if that was why she left me how she did. Anyway, I texted her, asking to talk, and never heard back.”
My stomach clenched. “You texted her in December?” I hadn’t even noticed the date, I’d been in such a frenzy to read the texts.
“I did, and I forgot about it until tonight. She texted, asking to meet up for dinner next week. She said she’d love to talk.”
I was going to throw up. “That will be nice.”
“Adelaide.” He cupped my jaw. “I’m not having dinner with my ex. I just replied that I wished her luck but I didn’t need to talk anymore.”
He handed me his phone, and there it was, exactly like he’d said. The dates, his reply. He’d been honest and forthright.
“Why don’t you want to talk to her?” I asked.
“Because it doesn’t matter. Of course I hope I wasn’t awful to her. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t. I mean, I was a teenager, so I’m sure I wasn't perfect, but what’s done is done. What I care about is being good toyou. Lovingyouright. Taking care ofyouhow you need it. I don’t need to analyze where I went wrong with someone else. You’re my focus, and that’s how it’ll always be.”
He took his phone from me, tossing it aside, and stroked my cheek. “And if you ever ask me why I don’t accept a dinner invitation from an ex that doesn’t include you, I will spank your ass until you get your head on straight.”
Since he’d been so honest with me, I had to tell him the truth too. “I saw her text when you gave me your phone. Then I read the text you’d sent her in December, only I didn’t see the date so I thought it was recent.”
He swallowed hard and shoved his fingers through his hair. “You didn’t say anything. You were freaking out and didn’t say anything?”
I pushed myself upright and climbed into his lap, looping my arms around his neck. “I was going to run,” I admitted.
His arms banded around me so fast, he took my breath away. “No.” One syllable, but he’d said it so emphatically, it sounded like a thousand.
“But I made you a promise, Adam. I kept it. I waited to see if you could fix your screwup. It turns out, you didn’t screw up at all. It was me. I should have said something instead of torturing myself all night.”
“You know I wouldn’t have let you run.”
“I know.” I shuddered in his arms.
“I’m glad you didn’t try.” His lids lowered as he peered at me. “More than that, I’m solaced I’ve given you reason enough to stay, even when you thought the worst of me could be true.”
“It was the worst in me I was afraid might be true. I think it was a combination of seeing my dad and that text that had me spiraling into my unlovable headspace.”