“Baby, I need you to explain.Pleaseexplain.”
Her fingers stroked along the ridges of my face, featherlight and heartbreakingly gentle. I held my breath until my lungs were ready to explode, waiting for her to speak. When she finally did, I had no idea what to say.
“What do you want from me, Adam? If I forgive you, then what? What are we? Best friends who live separate lives but sometimes sleep together? Is that what you want from me?”
Shining hazel eyes lifted to mine. The pain brimming in them lanced through my heart. Instead of the words I should’ve been saying, assurances I should’ve been giving, I was stuck on her expression, on the hurt pinching her mouth into a distorted version of itself.
“It’s fine. It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine,” she murmured. “I’m so tired. We’ll talk about this another day when emotions aren’t so high. Today was a lot. I just want to go to sleep. I’m going to go. I need to go.”
She scooted by me, shoved her legs in her sweats, and threw her hoodie on over my T-shirt, all while I remained on my goddamn knees.
“Don’t run away.”
She stopped at the door to my bedroom. “I’m not running. I’m giving us both space to clear our heads. Just…” she shook her head.
“Say it. Say what you need to say.”
Her shoulders squared, and she leveled me with a steady gaze. “I don’t want to lose you either, but I absolutely can’t go back to where we were before. And this—” she pointed to the bed, “—isn’t enough. So, that’s…well, that’s all I have to say, I guess. I’ll talk to you later. Or next week. That would be better.”
She turned to walk away.
“Adelaide,” I called, rising to my feet. She glanced back over her shoulder. “Let Matt guard you, okay? So I know you’re safe.”
“All right.”
Then she was gone, disappearing like a ghost, and my gut was fucking hollow. If I could have gotten off my knees, I would’ve chased her, but she’d taken my legs right out from under me.
This isn’t enough.
This isn’t enough.
This isn’t enough.
Iris blinked at me. Roddy slapped the back of my head. Ronan crossed his arms, staring me down over his I’m-more-mature-than-you-and-always-will-be Irish nose. The three people I was closest to were sitting at my dining room table, openly judging me at ten on a Sunday morning. That had to be blasphemous or something.
“Say it again,” Iris asked. “And do it slowly.”
After a sleepless night of staring at my ceiling, I’d called in backup. They’d come with breakfast and Bloody Marys. Ronan was here in place of Callum who was busy being super dad, but that was fine. Ronan was the most grown-upiest grown-up I knew. He’d set my shit straight without pulling any punches.
“Adelaide asked me what I wanted—and I froze.”
“After you slept with her. Twice.” Iris dead eyed me. She wasn’t happy with my behavior.
“Yeah.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I want her. God knows I want her. But I’m no good at all that comes with wanting a woman. I always mess it up.”
The three of them exchanged a long look, communicating through some kind of fucking mind meld. It was frustrating as hell that they saw something I didn’t.
“That’s the only reason you froze?” Iris asked.
“You know me. I’m bad at relationships. If that’s even what she wants.” I shoved my fingers through my hair. “I’ll screw it up.”
Ronan cleared his throat. “What was the first thing you did when you found out Adelaide had moved?”
“You mean after I drank my ass off, made Adelaide pick me up at a sex club, got her photographed by the press, and told her dad we’re engaged?” Ronan nodded solemnly. “The locks, the bodyguard…I don’t see where you’re going with this.”
“Aye, you may have gotten lost in a bottle, but when you found your way out, your first instinct was to protect your woman,” Ronan said.
I shifted my glass between my hands. “She’s my best friend, and you didn’t see the hellhole she’s living in.”