“I know,” I whispered around the thick coating in my throat. No, I never thought we’d have this conversation. “I had sex one time.Onetime when I was drunk and sad and feeling rejected and—”
“Rejected by me?” His expression was unreadable. I wouldn’t be surprised if he got up and left once I got the whole story out. It certainly didn’t paint me in a flattering light.
I nodded, my mouth pressed in a flat line. “After you told me no backstage, I got so drunk, hoping I would forget. Instead, I acted like a complete idiot, lost my virginity to one of my cousin’s friends who didn’t give a single shit about me, and got pregnant. I felt like I cheated on you, which is probably crazy, but I was so ashamed of myself. I just...I should have emailed you at least once, but my depression and self-hatred were so intense, I wouldn’t allow myself to have that small piece of you.”
His fingertip traced the edge of my ear. “Is the dad in the picture?”
“Not really. I think Brian—that’s his name—would have completely ghosted if he hadn’t been my cousin’s friend. He’s met Ezra a handful of times and talks to him once a month or so through FaceTime. He’s still in college, so he sends support when he can, but it’s not much, and that’s okay. Ezra and I are okay.”
“You don’t think he’s gonna come to his senses and steal you away?”
I had to laugh at that, even though I wasn’t certain he was kidding. “No, I don’t. We’re connected because of our son, but that’s the beginning and end of it. Even if I’d felt something romantic for him in the beginning—which I never did—seeing what a shit father he is would have killed that a long time ago.”
His sigh was heavy. I hated having no idea what he was thinking. He’d told me nothing had changed last night but believing that was difficult. I wanted it to be true more than anything.
“Okay.” That was all he said.
“Okay?”
He nodded.
I frowned.
“I need you to understand that being with me is more complicated because I have Ezra and he’s my top priority. Jenny helps a lot, but she’s not his mom. I can’t do sleepovers whenever I want or dinners after work when all I want to do is rush home and soak up the measly amount of time I have with my son during the week. I get that you might not want to deal with that, and if that’s true, then tell me now. It would be better to know before we go any fur—”
Callum covered my mouth with his hand again and pressed his nose to my cheek. “Quiet, Wren. I said nothing’s changed, and I meant it. I’m not leavin’, and neither are you, so don’t bring it up again.” He uncovered my mouth and turned my face to his. “I’ve had a long, kinda shitty day. All I want now is to sink into you and forget every last part of it except that.”
I seized up, with both desire and nerves. “I want that too, but Jenny and Ezra are upstairs, and I don’t know if—”
“Does your door have a lock?”
I nodded.
“That’s all we need. I can think of ways to keep you quiet. Silence is my specialty.” He gripped my jaw. “I’m not goin’ another hour without having you. Even if that means I drag you back to my place. Make up your mind, Wren.”
“I can’t leave.”
“We’ll stay.” No hesitation.
“I didn’t shave my legs today.”
“Don’t care.” Again, he didn’t even blink.
“I’m not wearing cute underwear.”
His nostrils flared. “I’m gonna rip them off you anyway.”
“But I—”
“Why’re you makin’ excuses not to be with me, Little Bird?”
“You make me nervous,” I breathed.
He pressed his nose to mine. “You make me nervous too.”
My stomach swooped. My heart did a crazy, twisty thing. Those were the exact words to get me to drop my barriers and give in. Callum Rose was the real deal. He was who he’d represented himself as in his letters, only magnified and infinitely more beautiful than I’d first thought.
I pushed off his lap, took his hand, and quietly led him upstairs. I could hear the faint sounds of Jenny’s television as we passed her room, and the even fainter roar of the waterfall white noise I played for Ezra as he slept. My bedroom was at the end of the hall, with a bathroom between my wall and Ezra’s.