Now, it was soaked in vinegar and red paint, with a large gash down the middle, irrevocably trashed. I hadn’t noticed when tears had begun streaming down my cheeks, but that was the moment I began to sob.
My beautiful bed, my very first home, my privacy and safety, had all been violated. My eyelids were heavy. The urge to curl up in a ball and fall asleep to escape this waking nightmare weighed on me like a heavy blanket.
At the same time, my hands balled into fists and my entire body shook with anger. If the culprit had been standing in front of me, I would have liked to spill some blood. Equal parts violence and sadness surged through me, burning for action.
I couldn’t stand to be here another second. I stumbled through my beautiful, ruined home, stifling sobs with my hand over my mouth. Mrs. Krause and Daisy met me on our stoop. I collapsed onto my butt with bruising force, leaning into Mrs. Krause’s bony shoulder. She murmured sweet nothings, attempting to calm me away from the edge of hyperventilating.
Daisy nudged my other side and plopped her head on my legs. I wrapped an arm around her, grateful for her company, but sorry she had to witness me this way. This might’ve been worse than the vegan ice cream incident.
Just thinking of that sent a fresh wave of tears pouring down my cheeks. I wasn’t even a crier, but times were tough, man, and there was no asshole to let have it with my steel-toed boots. Rage wouldn’t make this better. Someone had turned me into a victim, and I couldn’t even claw their eyes out or pound them into a pulp.
The only action I could take was handing this mess over to someone else now. “I guess I have to call the cops, huh?”
Mrs. Krause gave my shoulders a little shake. “You do, honey. Maybe when they catch the cocksucker, they’ll cuff ’em extra tight andforgetto cover their head when they put them in the back of the cruiser.”
I sighed. “One can only hope.”
Hours later, I was curled up on my bandmate Adam’s couch, a gin and tonic in hand and a large slice of veggie pizza steaming on a paper plate in my lap. It was nearing ten at night, and this was the first time I’d eaten since the morning.
Except I wasn’t eating because three concerned sets of eyes were staring at me like I was on the verge of cracking.
I scowled at them. “Stop it and let me eat my pizza.”
Rodrigo thrashed his drums for The Seasons Change with more subtlety than he and his girlfriend, Hope, exchanged glances with Adam.
“I’m fine!” My head throbbed, and my heart was broken, but I wasn’t about to dive off the Brooklyn Bridge. I had toured with these boys when we had no money, sleeping most nights in a tiny van and bathing in gas station bathrooms together. They knew very well I was made of tougher stuff than this.
“It’s okay to be upset,” Hope said.
I took a sip of my drink, grimacing at how strong it was. Adam’s pouring hand had been overly generous with the gin. Knowing him, he was probably trying to knock me unconscious so he didn’t have to deal with my squicky, girly feelings.
“Oh, don’t worry, I’m definitely upset. But I’m not as fragile as you three seem to think.” I ripped into my pizza with my teeth to punctuate my point. From her spot in the corner of the room, Daisy raised her head to see if I intended to give her people food, then rolled her eyes and settled back in when she saw she was out of luck.
“I saw you cry.” Adam’s handsome, boy-next-door face crumpled in horror. “You don’t cry, Iris.”
Rodrigo smacked his arm. “You’d cry if someone did that to your shit.”
Hope crossed her arms. “There’s nothing wrong with crying. Stop being surprised Iris has feelings.”
I shook my crust at her. “Listen to this girl. She knows things.”
Hope wasn’t just my champion, she was a badass DJ and producer Rodrigo had chased all over the world before finally catching her. She was more in touch with her feelings than I was, but I liked her a lot. That was a good thing since, as a band, we were thick as thieves—except Callum. Callum was like our ghost who showed up to play bass before disappearing into the ether again. Who the hell knew where Callum was when he wasn’t with us.
And yet, I loved him anyway.
Adam opened his hands. “I’m not surprised Iris has feelings. I’ve been yelled at by her for fucking up in rehearsal enough times to know Iris has extremely passionate feelings. I’ve just never seen her so…” He rubbed his forehead, searching for the right word.
“Gorgeous?” I supplied, earning me a quirk of his lips.
“Vivacious?” Hope tipped her chin in a way that could only be interpreted as a warning.
Rodrigo cocked his head. “Insatiably hungry?”
I stuffed my crust in my mouth with a growl. My bandmates had been around me enough to witness my instability in more ways than one.
“No.” Adam puffed a heavy breath and curled his spread fingers toward his palms. “Vulnerable. I’ve never seen Iris so vulnerable.”
“Blasphemy. I face down crowds of thousands. One apartment break-in won’t faze me.” Even as I said it, my chin wobbled. Adam was right, I hated being vulnerable. Not that I tamped down my feelings, I just refused to put myself in a position of weakness.