I sighed. “I’m great. I promise.”
Her eyes examined me, sweeping over my features to check for cracks. “You’ve always been so resilient. No matter what happened to you, you brushed yourself off and kept moving. Even through my episodes, you’ve kept your chin up. I wish I had half your strength.”
I wish you did too.
I let her statement lie. If I needed someone to hold me up, it would never be my mother. I’d accepted that a long time ago.
She sighed. “Oh, I forgot to mention Oliver is back from England. I saw him when I was having lunch with Patricia earlier in the week. He’s looking so handsome and grown up, I just can’t believe it.”
I swallowed hard. I did any time the Bergen family was brought up. “Is he? Patricia and Nathaniel must be happy to have their son back on this side of the world.”
“Definitely. They haven’t been the same since Nate’s accident. Nathaniel is so angry, and Patricia sometimes strikes me as a little lost. Hopefully with Oliver’s presence, she’ll feel more grounded.”
Oliver was Nate Bergen’s golden boy brother. Five years older than us, he’d graduated from Savage U two years ago and moved to London to work for the British branch of a US finance company. I’d encountered him plenty over the three years Nate and I had dated in high school. I couldn’t say he ever came across as the grounding type. I didn’t know if he had his brother’s penchant for hurting women—there’d never been rumors alluding to it—but he hadn’t been especially warm.
I made some humming sound, which was enough for my mother to go on.
“I told Oliver you’re at Savage U now and gave him your phone number. I thought it might be nice for the two of you to connect. You could share memories of Nate and—”
“Mom, no.” The rebuke came out sharper than intended, but what the fuck?
“Listen, I know you and Nate didn’t end on a good note, but you had a lot of happy times. Shouldn’t you focus on those instead of holding on to the bitterness?” She waved her hand in front of her face. “But what do I know? It was just a thought. Oliver seemed eager. Then again, he could have been humoring an old lady. Either way, the ball is in both of your courts now. Although, I would love for you to get together with him at least once if he calls.”
The end she was referring to was the nuclear meltdown that had wiped our relationship off the map. There was cheating, property destruction, and a lot of erratic behavior. My mother wouldneverknow about what’d happened after thefor-old-times’-sakedinner Nate and I had the week before I left for Berkely. She might survive it, but I was pretty certain her sanity wouldn’t.
I exhaled a slow, heavy breath. “I doubt he’ll call, but I’ll be polite if he does.”
She squeezed my hand. “I never doubted you, honey.”
I stayed through dinner, though, by the end, I was forcing myself not to leave. At home, I always had to be on. No one had told me that, I’d just known from a young age. Now that I didn’t live like that full time, sliding back into that role was exhausting.
Helen had texted that a few people were going to be hanging on the boys’ deck, drinking and smoking. I couldn’t think of a more perfect way to spend the rest of my night. This girl needed to find her chill because it had definitely gone missing.
I arrived home to an empty house, so I assumed they were all next door already. Running up to my room first, I changed into a pair of boyfriend jeans and a slouchy Savage U T-shirt. My hair went into a braid draped over my shoulder, and my feet went into thick, fuzzy socks. Then I grabbed my new favorite hoodie in case it got cool. Not because it washis. Although, I wouldn’t have minded rubbing it in his face that it was still in my possession.
Downstairs again, I grabbed a couple hard seltzers from the fridge and headed onto our back deck. I could always count on Helen for good weed, andgoddid I need it tonight.
It was pitch dark in our yard, and the motion sensor lights didn’t click on right away. The circle of light coming from next door wasn’t enough for me to see by, so I stood there like an idiot, waving my hands to get the lights to turn on.
Voices carried through the night sky. I recognized Helen, Marco—Amir’s friend and housemate—and Zadie’s dulcet tones.
“Is Elena coming?” Zadie asked.
“I texted. She should be here soon. My phone’s inside, otherwise I’d check to see if she sent me a message,” Helen replied.
Lachlan’s baritone cracked the dark in half. “Elena’s coming? Where has she been?”
My breath caught in my lungs. I gripped the deck rail, listening carefully.
“Why so curious?” Marco chuckled. “Are you into her? She’s a pretty little thing. Kinda snobby, but some dudes are into that.”
“Fuck off,” Julien groused, which made me smile. First, because he’d defended me, but more importantly, that he was socializing. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Not into her,” Lachlan answered. “I’m just curious if I have to brace myself. That’s all.”
My skin itched, like it was pulled too taut over my bones. I should have gone back inside or yelled across the yard. Instead, I stayed rooted in my spot, my mind warring with my body about whether to move.
Skin slapped skin, then Helen spoke up. “Dude, uncool. That’s my friend.”