Chapter Thirty-three
Elena
I’dprettymuchrunout of fucks.
Last weekend, I’d warned my father that my mom was going dark. I’d told him to make an appointment with her psychiatrist. I’d asked him not to work so much, at least while her mental health was on a razor’s edge.
I was his daughter, hischild, yet I’d been thrust into the role of my mother’s caretaker. I’d never once questioned it, though I’d resented it plenty.
I was done with men who couldn’t take care of my heart.
“I’m so mad at you.” I didn’t even know why I was in Lock’s truck, other than I had needed an escape and he was here. God, why was he here?
“I know.” He had the audacity to sound sad.
“Are you hanging around the hospital to prove me wrong? Is that what this is?”
“I’m here because despite us not working, I told you I’d be here for you when you need me.”
“Nice of you to start keeping promises now.”
“El, I’m trying to protect you from something worse thanthis.Do you remember what I told you about my parents? My family?”
“Sure I do. You don’t want to wind up like your mom and dad. Who does?”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I feel like you’re not hearing me.”
“That’s funny, because you haven’t been listening to my wishes for the last week. If you don’t want to be with me, then you need to go away. Stop getting in my face, and stopbeinghere.”
“It’s not about what I want.”
If I thought my hands had any hope of fitting around his neck, I would have strangled him. But I honestly didn’t have the energy to try.
“I think it’s completely about what you want. If it wasn’t, you would have had a conversation with me instead of climbing onto my deck and unilaterally breaking my fucking heart.”
I hated the way my voice cracked. I hated that I couldn’t disguise my sorrow. I hated that I still loved this big, stupid man, and it was going to take me a long, long time to get over him.
“Elena,” he breathed. “Fuck, sweet girl, I’msorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I’m flying blind here, trying to do the right thing, but I’m screwing it all up.”
“You never asked me, you know.”
“Asked what?” His fingertips touched mine. In a moment of weakness, I almost let him continue, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. Balling my fists tight, my nails cut crescents into my palms.
“My plans after I graduate. You never asked.”
He gestured to the hospital. “I didn’t think I had to.”
“Your mind was so made up,youdidn’t hearme. I was desperate to leave after high school. I couldn’t wait to get out of here.”
“But you came back.”
I threw my hands out, wanting to scream in frustration. “I wasraped, Lock! My rapist died in front of my eyes. I couldn’t hack Berkely because I was fucking traumatized, not homesick. The worst things that have ever happened to me are in Savage River. I hate this town.”
“I—you’re right. I didn’t ask. But you have your mom, your family. Even if you leave Savage River, you’ll stay close.”
This was how I knew his excuses were just that. If he wanted me, if he really desired to maybe, possibly have a future with me, he’d stop telling me what he thought I wanted and actually listen to the words coming out of my mouth.
“Do you think I want to spend the rest of my life as my mother’s keeper? Because I don’t. She has a husband who needs to step up. It can’t be me anymore, and I told my dad that. As soon as I graduate, I’m gone. I can’t stay here anymore. Everything bad happens here.”
Lock would just be another tick on the list.
He sat statue still. His bruised jaw clenched. Maybe he didn’t know what to say, but I did.
“It wasn’t the phone call from your dad that ended us.” My hand went to the door. I was done with this. “I was letting myself fall in love with you, giving youeverything, while you were holding back from the very start. I told you about my darkest moments, but you couldn’t even tell me you don’t just own a ranch, you own a luxury resort where presidents’ children have gotten married. It isn’t some backwoods chunk of land where a girl like me could never be happy. Sweet Brush River Ranch isn’t in the middle of nowhere. You never told me because you never wanted more from me than what you got, did you? Your foot had always been out the door, I was just too stupid and love drunk to notice.”
I flung open the door and jumped out of the truck. He called my name, roared it, but I shut the door. He could go fuck himself with his conciliatory offers of friendship. I had more than enough friends.
I am done with Lachlan Kelly.