He brushed my hair off my face, giving me a tender, pitying look I hated. “Why are you doing this?”
“I’m brokenhearted. I just wanted to feel something other than sad.” I covered my face with my hands, groaning at myself.
“Did it help?”
“I can’t remember much of last night, so probably, temporarily, it did.”
“And now?”
“Still brokenhearted.” I peeked at him from between my fingers. “What is the point of this? Are you trying to make me feel worse?”
“I’m trying to help you not self-destruct.”
“Can’t I be sad?”
“Sure, but do you want him to see you like this? Will that make you feel better or worse?”
My heart skipped a beat or two. “I don’t want to see him at all.”
He put his palm on the top of my head. The weight of it was surprisingly comforting.
“Sorry, buddy, but that’s not a choice. You’re going to see him, he’s probably going to chest thump because he’s Lock, and even if he doesn’t say it, he regrets letting you go.”
“He doesn’t.”
“If he didn’t, do you think he’d be concerned about where you were going and what you were wearing? That show he put on last night was a man living in a world of regret who doesn’t know what to do with himself. So, make him sorry. Let him see you being okay, moving right along with shit. The last thing you should be doing is wallowing like a sad little guppy.”
I shoved at him, but there was no real force behind it. “He doesn’t want me, and I’m not a guppy, Phantom. Don’t call me that.”
He gave me one of his crooked grins. “Yeah…well, we’re gonna have to agree to disagree there. But let’s say you’re right. You’re still coming out on top. You’re not wallowing and making yourself feel worse. You’re going to fake moving on until you reallydoit. And if I’m right, let him eat shit while you shine.”
All of what he was saying sounded so damn daunting. I rolled into him, groaning. Julien caught me, patting my back and letting me stay there a minute or two.
“Think you should go home,” he murmured. “Take a shower and brush your teeth.”
“You’re kicking me out?” I peered up at him, scowling. “After all I’ve done for you?”
“Yeah…well, you’re surprisingly smelly for someone who’s so hot.”
Gasping, I smacked his arm and flung my body out of his bed. “I hate you from the very bottom of my heart.”
“I got you up, didn’t I? And I told you you were hot.” Julien climbed out of bed and stood with his crutches. “I’ll walk you out. Make sure you leave.”
I snorted. This boy was rude, but he also knew how to make me feel a hell of a lot better. When I was sober, his tough love might not resonate as much as it did now, but I’d take what I could get.
After grabbing my stuff, I opened his bedroom door, and Julien followed me out. I’d almost made it to the front door when it opened. Lachlan Kelly filled the doorway, eclipsing everything else.
He froze at the sight of Julien in his pajamas and me…well, also in Julien’s pajamas, my dress and shoes dangling from my fingers.
“Excuse me.” I nodded to the door. “I’m leaving.”
Lock stepped into the house, sweeping a thunderous gaze from me to Julien.
“What’s this?” he asked.
Something occurred to me then, with the three of us standing there. In my drunken state, I’d asked Sera to bring me here, but I really doubted I’d come looking for Julien. I turned to him, and he grimaced before I even got the words out.
“Why were you the one to take care of me?” I whispered.
He shook his head. He didn’t want to say it, but reality was plain as day. He’d taken care of me because Lock hadn’t been here. That was made all the more evident by his appearance at a little after six in the morning. He was just coming home.
“Oh,” I breathed, nodding to myself. “I see.”
“Someone want to fill me in? Why the fuck is Elena wearing your clothes?” Lock had the au-freaking-dacity to sound like he’d been wronged. For the thousandth time, I begged for my anger to insulate me from this agony, but I was on my own.
Reality speared into me. We weren’t fated or inevitable. Lock was just another man who took and took until he stripped my bones clean. I was too smart for this to be a surprise, but Lock had been convincing.
All I had left was my pride. My heart was gone. Dust. I lifted my chin just like my mother had shown me when I was a little girl and walked by the man who’d done this to me with my head high, like he didn’t mean a single thing.