“Okay. You don’t have to,” I rushed out. “But tell me why you’re working for Reno. Please?”
Sighing, he threaded his fingers in my hair, then brought my head down until our foreheads met. “It’s my brother, mama. Maybe you don’t get that because your brother didn’t come along until you were already grown, but there’s no breaking that bond. He needs me, so I’m there.”
This was the first time we’d talked about what he did for Reno. Like I’d assumed he’d grown up poor, I also assumed there was an end date to his job. Maybe even an end date to his relationship with his brother. Or maybe I’d just buried my head in the sand because it was easier than facing the real answers.
“He’s going to need you forever?” I asked.
Amir tipped my head back. “He’s always my brother. Even when he’s a piece of shit. That’s not changing. Will I always work for him? If that’s what you’re asking, then no. I won’t. But that comes later, after I graduate.”
“Another year,” I murmured.
“Now you know, but nothing’s changed for you, Zadie. Nothing between us will be any different except now all our secrets are out in the open. What I do for Reno is separate. It won’t touch you. It won’t touch us. I need you to hear that, because I’m not going to discuss it with you. It won’t be up for discussion ever again.”
His hands in my hair were gentle, his words delicate and soft, but his message was unyielding. When it came to Reno, Amir was and always would be an unmovable brick wall. If I pushed, he wouldn’t be happy.
My relief at having him back, at being forgiven, overrode the screaming protests in my mind.
“If you get arrested, that affects me.”
His eyes bored into mine. “I’m not getting arrested. I’ve been doing this too long. I know how to be safe and keep the important people in my life clean and away from all of it. I’m not giving you up, so you need to accept this is the way it’s going to be. I will bend and discuss and maybe even compromise on occasion, but not about this.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
I let it go, and I let Amir back in. I might regret it one day, but onthisday, I was too relieved he came back to me to feel anything else.