Helen didn’t flinch. Elena made a sour face, but she stayed quiet.
“I lied to you, and I’m really sorry. The night he was holding me as collateral, things happened between us, and I…well, I was mad he was complicit in what happened to you, Hells. So mad. And I get that me being with him now makes me disloyal to you. If you tell me you can’t be friends with me anymore if I continue seeing him, I’ll—”
She touched my arm. “Don’t finish that sentence. I don’t want to know what you would have said. I won’t tell you not to see him, but, dude, I need to know you’re fully aware of who he is.”
“He’s a criminal,” Elena said dryly. “That’s who he is.”
Helen kicked back beside me, staring Elena down. “I hate to agree with Elena, but yeah. Amir is a criminal. His brother is a monster. You have no business getting mixed up in that world.”
I chewed on my bottom lip to stop my knee-jerk desire to jump to his defense. “I went in with my eyes open. I’ve spent months thinking about him, about why I had feelings for him and how to deal with them. When I started getting the poems, I thought about Amir. Not that he’d sent them, but how safe I’d felt when he’d held me that night. Which is crazy, right? Because he had a gun, he forced me to stay, but it’s just how I felt. How I still feel. So, I used that as an excuse to seek him out.”
Elena shook her head. “I’m not happy you lied straight to my face.”
My lungs burned with shame, radiating through my entire chest and up my throat. It was the worst feeling. This wasn’t me. I wasn’t a liar.
“I’m really, really sorry.” I clasped my hands together in my lap, my head bowed. “I don’t know what else to say except I haven’t had friends in a long time. I didn’t want to lose you guys.”
Helen nudged my foot with hers. “Jesus, girlie, you’re not going to lose us. But lying and hiding something as big as Amir Vasquez being your boyfriend isn’t cool. I hear you, you get that, but I might need to be mad for an hour or two.”
Elena sniffed. “More like a day or two.” Then her eyes narrowed. “You know that dude showed up tonight so you couldn’t deny him.”
I scrunched my nose. “Amir?”
She nodded. “Yes, Amir. He walked into the dining hall to stake his claim. I’m going to guess you were surprised he showed up.”
So much had happened, it hadn’t even occurred to me. Amir had been supposed to pick me up in front of the dorm, but he’d known I was having dinner in the dining hall. He had forced the issue, and here we were.
The truth was out, but I didn’t know if he’d ever look at me again. On that thought, I drained half of my sangria and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.
“He wasn’t happy I was keeping him from you,” I told them.
Helen studied me for a long beat. “He really treats you right?”
I nodded. “We started out rocky because of how things ended last time. But he…yes, he’s really so good to me. I don’t know how to explain it, but I have never been comfortable with another man the way I am with him.”
Elena popped a brow. “And the sex is amazing.”
I giggled softly. “It is.”
“Tramp.” She rolled her eyes, but I knew Elena now and understood she was being affectionate in her own twisted way.
Helen clicked her tongue. “I really don’t like you being in that world, Z.”
“Helen,” I admonished gently, “the first day I met you, you took me with you to collect drug money. I think you, of all people, should allow me and Amir both some grace.”
She flinched at the reminder. “I shouldn’t have brought you along. I own that. But I was dealing out of desperation. What’s Amir’s excuse?”
My brows fell heavy over my eyes. “What do you mean? I…um…”
Elena sat forward, looking at Helen. “She doesn’t know.”
Helen frowned at me. “Hasn’t Amir told you about his family? I mean, besides his woman-beating brother.”
I shook my head. “No. I know his uncle owned the warehouses and left them to Reno, but I guess I thought he grew up like you.”
Elena snorted. “Nope. I didn’t know Amir in high school, but Miguel Vasquez has served as part of my father’s legal team for years. And his mother, Dr. Farrah Abadir, has worked on half the faces in Savage River, my mother included.”
My mouth fell open in shock. Why hadn’t I asked about his background? Why had I assumed he did what he did because hehadto? I felt so stupid.